I have another son. His name is Shawn. He was born during my peak drinking days, in my alcoholism. I had no contact with him at all until he was eighteen years old.
This first contact was a letter that I wrote to him while in recovery from alcoholism. Therefore, from what I understand, his father figures were his grandfather and his two uncles.
Shawn certainly did not deserve this path without a father, but again, I feel blessed because God was watching over him, for now he is a healthy, strong, upright man who is successful with his “basic foundation.”
At this time in my life, I had a higher power in control of my every thought, action, and behavior. This was alcoholism. I had no reason to change this way of life in my mind, but Shawn’s mother, as soon as we were married, decided that this behavior was unacceptable to her. Therefore, she demanded that I stop this way of life at once.
My alcoholism rebelled against her wishes with a fury, and quickly we separated. The way the split-up happened made me furious, and this anger, along with drinking, was like pouring gasoline on a burning fire. I had no idea that she was pregnant with our son until just before he was born.
Therefore, I had bitter resentment for at least ten years, through both tragic accidents and also into recovery. I had often wondered about Shawn, and I had deep feelings over not being capable of being a father to him. I could not talk to anyone about this, as it was a family secret at the time.
After twelve years of recovery from alcoholism, I was finally able to deal with and acknowledge my son Shawn with the following letter to him.
December 22, 1994
Dear Shawn,
This is just a note to let you know that I do acknowledge you as my son and that I have had you on my mind in all of your years.
Circumstances, as they were, would not allow us to grow together. This is unfortunate, but it is reality.
I do not want to invade any territory or cause any repercussions, but I would be interested in contact with you if you would consider it.
This would be entirely your choice. Whatever it may be, I would understand.
You have the address on the envelope.
Sincerely,
Your Father
It was not too long after this letter that Shawn did respond. Then we met at my apartment. This meeting was a spiritual event in my life, only after I had asked God for His guidance with everything that I perceive and do.
I now thank God for providing my son Shawn with proper guidance from his mother, both grandparents, and his uncles. For he has turned out to be a great man, with a wonderful wife by his side. I am so grateful for this fact.
Again, I look to God and give thanks that despite my past and behaviors that I am sorry for, God has provided for each one of my sons. Shawn and I have respect for each other, but we have a distant relationship, and I do not blame him at all.
I am sure that his feelings were hurt beyond belief growing up without his dad, and I am truly sorry for that. I am restricted from repairing the past. I now need to go forward and to follow the spiritual guidelines that I have learned in my recovery from the disease of alcoholism. Now, as I attempt to live the principles of the AA program, I will seek God, clean house, and help others. When I have the opportunity to make amends, I will also ask forgiveness.
In the earlier chapter, I referred to my time in “Teenage Sobriety.” I now need to inform Shawn that he was more emotionally mature than I was at the time of our meeting. This meeting for the first time was an extremely powerful growth event in my life, as I was in the process of growing up also.
I know that God had allowed me to go to deep places in my life, and I am sorry that all three of my children have paid hard consequences because of my alcoholism. I now have gratitude to be able to have personal relationships with all of them, with my undeserved acceptance and love from each one of them. I am so happy that they did not have to take the path that I took.
I now pray to God for Shawn, and Cory and Danny, asking that He would draw them to a closer relationship with Himself and with each other. Also, to the point of forgiveness, guidance, and blessing that we all need.
For God has allowed me to live through a tragic life and to be here to express my gratitude and my love toward them. I consider this a miracle in itself.