My gratitude, primarily, I attribute to God, as I try to live in gratitude as a way of life.
I would like to take this opportunity, to thank my fellow AA members that were directly involved with my recovery, as they were people that God used to help save my life.
My very first sponsor, Fred, asked me to listen to this song, on our ride to a meeting, in my second week of sobriety.
He said that this song is about us, and our fellow AA members.
I want to say thank you, to all that have helped me, as you accepted me and loved me, and to help point me to God, and I now want to give each of you, some of the words to this song.
“You Needed Me”, by Ann Murray
“I cried the tear; you wiped it dry
I was confused, you cleared my mind
I sold my soul, you bought it back for me
and held me up, and gave me dignity
You gave me strength, to stand alone again
to face the world, out on my own again
you put me high, upon a pedestal so high, that I could almost see eternity
You needed me, you needed me.
How I Came Back to God
In recovery, I sat in the rooms of AA for about five years. I was not drinking, and I was wondering what the real answer was here. Nobody ever really came out and said it directly.
At about the five-year point, I concluded that the answer was gratitude.
As I was coming out of my, “deeply seeded,” self-centered lifestyle, I began to realize that the past patterns of my life were unproductive and destructive, and I was not helping others, only hurting them, especially my family.
As I was working in the program, which involved infiltrating the twelve steps into my everyday living, I found that these steps could be broken down into three basic principles:
Seek God, clean house, help others.
I worked through the steps, turning my will and life over, the best I could. Then, I gradually came to the point of taking an inventory of myself, honestly. After that, if the opportunity presents itself, I make amends to those I hurt along the way.
Then I take action, as I share my experience, strength, and hope with others. As this is my intention, by writing this book.
I also found out the difference between self-centeredness and self-caring.
One way I can help others, especially my family, is to take care of myself. For I had no idea, in my previous, drinking life, how I was hurting them also, in my self-destructive lifestyle.
I look back and realize how many people I have hurt along the way, and I now know that to hurt people is not why God created me.
I have since learned to be responsible for my actions, behaviors, and health.
To be grateful, to me, does not qualify me to “Be all fixed”, and knowing all the answers. For we claim spiritual progress and not spiritual perfection.
I have come so far, and I know that I am still growing, in the right direction.
Outgoing gratitude needs a receiver also, just like love, described in the earlier chapter. Otherwise, it stays trapped inside, just as love does.
Therefore, now believing that I have been saved by God, of my understanding, this is now who I direct my gratitude towards.
This is my belief and my responsibility, and I feel good about it.
The AA program is a simple program, for complicated people. However, the percentage of people that make it, for the long-time sobriety, is very low.
Again, I thank God, for blessing me with having a successful recovery, in this dreaded disease.
After the tragedies in my life, and then going into AA, God finally gave me the environment to be honest with myself.
I know that the people in the rooms did not force recovery onto me. I now know that God allowed me to recover, as this was his direction.
This, I believe is why the AA program is so powerful. It has saved millions of lives, including mine.
I can say one thing for sure. The AA program is not religious, but it is spiritual.
From what I learned, the twelve steps, in the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous,” are a simplified version of the principles in the Holy Bible.
Now I am not here to thump the Bible on anybody, but I can share what I think, and what I feel.
George, my sponsor, and I were talking about the “Big Book,” which is a nickname for the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, which is the primary literature for the program.
He said, “The words, Jesus Christ, are not in the Big Book, but it will lead you to him.” George is the one that talked me into going to the church, when God connected directly to my heart, with the truth, when I was ready to hear it.
I had no interest in the Bible up to that point: I never had a reason to. It was my decision, to take an interest in it then, after I had this experience in church.
Similarly, to discovering “Gratitude” at the five-year periods, time went past, and I was not finding the deeper answer, in the church buildings either.
I started listening to Bible studies, and Christian radio stations.
Then George pointed something out to me about the Bible. He told me that the whole book theme, from beginning to end, is all about “JESUS CHRIST,” the Lord and Savior, and that we all need to have a personal relationship with him.
I am sorry if that name offended anyone, but I took that in. I then studied about him, to find out that George was right, for he is throughout the whole Bible.
Then I read about him in the book of Matthew, chapter 23, as he was reprimanding the religious leaders saying to the people:
“All things, then, which they give you orders to do, these do and keep: but do not take their works as your example, for they say and do not. Matthew, chapter 23:3.
Which to me, says, “Do what they say, according to the Scriptures, but don’t do what they do.”
I am not saying that going to the church building is bad, for that is where we attend most of our AA meetings. I know that there is plenty of healthy fellowship there, in AA, and in church services also.
I believe the Gospel story, for myself, and now I believe what he did is true. Therefore, my higher power is God.
When I was first saved, I was excited, and in some cases, I tried to push this message upon different people I knew and especially those close to me.
I then found many that were not interested. I found that I was pushing some away, and that did not feel good at all.
In time though, God, in his still small voice, was telling me to “Show them what to do” with the life I am living, as My Dad showed me, actions speak louder than words.
When I became honest with myself, it turned my life around, for the better, and I liked it.
When I studied the things that Jesus was saying, in the Bible, I was thinking, this is the ultimate in honesty. Then I came to find out, from what he had endured on the cross, that he is also the ultimate demonstration of love.
I knew when I was given the scripture, “We love him, “Because he first loved us,” 1 John 4:19 Similar to AA, a simple program for complicated people, I believe that the Gospel is simple also, too simple for some of us.
For the only requirement, is to believe in him, and what he did for us, and then we will be saved.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life John 3:16”
I also learned about the words, Grace and Mercy. Grace the gift from God I do not deserve. Mercy is not getting the judgment I do deserve.
As I made that decision, to turn my will and my life over to God, I believe that God instantly applied these two blessings into my life.
I now have hope for my future, and I finally have a sense of peace, because what I have studied in his word, and what I now believe, gives me that sense of a loving, guided direction, and not that lost, Free-falling lifestyle I was living in the past.