AA's Basic Text "Alcoholics Anonymous" aka the Big Book   

      Alcoholics Anonymous

       Also called the Big Book & Basic Text, the 1st edition was printed in1939.

to Chapters -

 * Doctors Opinion

* Bills Story

* More about Alcoholism

* There is a Solution

*We Agnostics

* How It Works

* Into Action

* Working With Others

*To Wives

* The Family Afterward

* To Employers

* A Vision for You

This is the Foreword as it appeared in the first printing of the first edition in 1939.

   We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have

recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other

alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For

them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further

authentication will be necessary. We think this account of our experiences will

help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that

the alcoholic is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our way of

living has its advantages for all.

    It is important that we remain anonymous because we are too few, at present

to handle the overwhelming number of personal appeals which may result from this

publication. Being mostly business or professional folk, we could not well carry

on our occupations in such an event. We would like it understood that our

alcoholic work is an avocation.

    When writing or speaking publicly about alcoholism, we urge each of our

Fellowship to omit his personal name, designating himself instead as "a member

of Alcoholics Anonymous."

    Very earnestly we ask the press also, to observe this request, for otherwise

we shall be greatly handicapped. We are not an organization in the conventional

sense of the word. There are no fees or dues whatsoever. The only requirement

for membership is an honest desire to stop drinking. We are not allied with any

particular faith, sect or denomination, nor do we oppose anyone. We simply wish

to be helpful to those who are afflicted.

    We shall be interested to hear from those who are getting results from this

book, particularly form those who have commenced work with other alcoholics. We

should like to be helpful to such cases. Inquiry by scientific, medical, and

religious societies will be welcomed.

Forward to the Second Edition

    Figures given in this foreword describe the Fellowship as it was in 1955.

    Since the original Foreword to this book was written in 1939, a wholesale

miracle has taken place. Our earliest printing voiced the hope "that every

 alcoholic who journeys will find the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous at his

destination. Already," continues the early text, "twos and threes and fives of

us have sprung up in other communities."

    Sixteen years have elapsed between our first printing of this book and the

presentation of 1955 of our second edition. In that brief space, Alcoholics

Anonymous has mushroomed into nearly 6,000 groups whose membership is far above

150,000 recovered alcoholics. Groups are to be found in each of the United

States and all of the provinces of Canada. A.A. has flourishing communities in

the British Isles, the Scandinavian countries, South Africa, South America,

Mexico, Alaska, Australia and Hawaii. All told, promising beginnings have been

made in some 50 foreign countries and U.S. possessions. Some are just now taking

 shape in Asia. Many of our friends encourage us by saying that this is but a

beginning, only the augury of a much larger future ahead.

    The spark that was to flare into the first A.A. group was struck at Akron,

Ohio in June 1935, during a talk between a New York stockbroker and an Akron

physician. Six months earlier, the broker had been relieved of his drink

 obsession by a sudden spiritual experience, following a meeting with an

alcoholic friend who had been in contact with the Oxford Groups of that day. He

had also been greatly helped by the late Dr. William D. Silkworth, a New York

specialist in alcoholism who is now accounted no less than a medical saint by

A.A. members, and whose story of the early days of our Society appears in the

 next pages. From this doctor, the broker had learned the grave nature of

alcoholism. Though he could not accept all the tenets of the Oxford Groups, he

was convinced of the need for moral inventory, confession of personality

defects, restitution to those harmed, helpfulness to others, and the necessity

of belief in and dependence upon God.

    Prior to his journey to Akron, the broker had worked hard with many

alcoholics on the theory that only an alcoholic could help an alcoholic, but he

had succeeded only in keeping sober himself. The broker had gone to Akron on a

business venture which had collapsed, leaving him greatly in fear that he might

start drinking again. He suddenly realized that in order to save himself he must

carry his message to another alcoholic. That alcoholic turned out to be the

Akron physician.

    This physician had repeatedly tried spiritual means to resolve his alcoholic

dilemma but had failed. But when the broker gave him Dr. Silkworth's description

of alcoholism and its hopelessness, the physician began to pursue the spiritual

 remedy for his malady with a willingness he had never before been able to

muster. He sobered, never to drink again up to the moment of his death in 1950.

This seemed to prove that one alcoholic could affect another as no nonalcoholic

could. It also indicated that strenuous work, one alcoholic with another, was

vital to permanent recovery.

    Hence the two men set to work almost frantically upon alcoholics arriving in

the ward of the Akron City Hospital. Their very first case, a desperate one,

recovered immediately and became A.A. number three. He never had another drink.

This work at Akron continued through the summer of 1935. There were many

failures, but there was an occasional heartening success. When the broker

returned to New York in the fall of 1935, the first A.A. group had actually been

formed, though no one realized it at the time.

    A second small group promptly took shape at New York, to be followed in 1937

with the start of a third at Cleveland. Besides these, there were scattered

alcoholics who had picked up the basic ideas in Akron or New York who were

 trying to form groups in other cities. By late 1937, the number of members

having substantial sobriety time behind them was sufficient to convince the

membership that a new light had entered the dark world of the alcoholic.

    It was now time, the struggling groups thought, to place their message and

unique experience before the world. This determination bore fruit in the spring

of 1939 by the publication of this volume. The membership had then reached about

100 men and women. The fledgling society, which had been nameless, now began to

be called Alcoholics Anonymous, from the title of its own book. The flying-blind

period ended and A.A. entered a new phase of its pioneering time.

    With the appearance of the new book a great deal began to happen. Dr. Harry

Emerson Fosdick, the noted clergyman, reviewed it with approval. In the fall of

1939 Fulton Oursler, the editor of LIBERTY, printed a piece in his magazine,

 called "Alcoholics and God." This brought a rush of 800 frantic inquiries into

the little New York office which meanwhile had been established. Each inquiry

was painstakingly answered; pamphlets and books were sent out. Businessmen,

traveling out of existing groups, were referred to these prospective newcomers.

 New groups started up and it was found, to the astonishment of everyone, that

A.A.'s message could be transmitted in the mail as well as by word of mouth. By

the end of 1939 it was estimated that 800 alcoholics were on their way to

recovery.

    In the spring of 1940, John D. Rockefeller, Jr. gave a dinner for many of

his friends to which he invited A.A. members to tell their stories. News of this

got on the world wires; inquiries poured in again and many people went to the

bookstores to get the book "Alcoholics Anonymous." By March 1941 the membership

had shot up to 2,000. Then Jack Alexander wrote a feature article in the

Saturday Evening Post and placed such a compelling picture of A.A. before the

general public that alcoholics in need of help really deluged us. By the close

of 1941, A.A. numbered 8,000 members. The mushrooming process was in full swing,

 A.A. had become a national institution.

    Our Society then entered a fearsome and exciting adolescent period. The test

that it faced was this: Could these large numbers of erstwhile erratic

alcoholics successfully meet and work together? Would there be quarrels over

membership, leadership and money? Would there be strivings for power and

prestige? Would there be schisms which would split A.A. apart? Soon A.A. was

beset by these very problems on every side and in every group. But out of this

frightening and at first disrupting experience the conviction grew that A.A.'s

had to hang together or die separately. We had to unify our Fellowship or pass

off the scene.

    As we discovered the principles by which the individual alcoholic could

live, so we had to evolve principles by which the A.A. groups and A.A. as a

whole could survive and function effectively. It was thought that no alcoholic

 man or woman could be excluded from our Society; that our leaders might serve

but not govern; that each group was to be autonomous and there was to be no fees

or dues; our expenses were to be met by our own voluntary contributions. There

was to be the least possible organization, even in our service centers. Our

public relations were to be based upon attraction rather than promotion. It was

decided that all members ought to be anonymous at the level of press, radio, TV

and films. And in no circumstances should we give endorsements, make alliances,

or enter public controversies.

    This was the substance of A.A.'s Twelve Traditions, which are stated in full

on page 564 of this book. Though none of these principles had the force of rules

or laws, they had become so widely accepted by 1950 that they were confirmed by

our first International Conference held at Cleveland. Today the remarkable unity

of A.A. is one of the greatest assets that our Society has.

    While the internal difficulties of our adolescent period were being ironed

out, public acceptance of A.A. grew by leaps and bounds. For this there were two

principal reasons: the large numbers of recoveries, and reunited homes.

    Another reason for the wide acceptance of A.A. was the ministration of

friends -- friends in medicine, religion, and the press, together with

innumerable others who became our able and persistent advocates. Without such

support, A.A. could have made only the slowest progress. Some of the

recommendations of A.A.'s early medical and religious friends will be found

further on in this book.

    Alcoholics Anonymous is not a religious organization. Neither does A.A. take

any particular medical point of view, though we cooperate widely with the men of

medicine as well as with the men of religion. Alcohol being no respecter of

 persons, we are an accurate cross section of America, and in distant lands, the

same democratic evening-up process is now going on. By personal religious

affiliation, we include Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Hindus, and a sprinkling

of Moslems and Buddhists. More than fifteen percent of us are women.

    At present, our membership is pyramiding at the rate of about twenty percent

a year. So far, upon the total problem of actual potential alcoholics in the

world, we have made only a scratch. In all probability, we shall never be able

to touch more than a fair fraction of the alcohol problem in all its

ramifications. Upon therapy for the alcoholic himself, we surely have no

monopoly. Yet it is our great hope that all those who have as yet found no

answer may begin to find one in the pages of this book and will presently join

us on the highroad to a new freedom.

Forward to the Third Edition

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    By March 1976, when this edition went to the printer, the total worldwide

membership of Alcoholics Anonymous was conservatively estimated at more than

1,000,000, with almost 28,000 groups meeting in over 90 countries.

    Surveys of groups in the United States and Canada indicate that A.A. is

reaching out, not only to more and more people, but to a wider and wider range.

Women now make up more than one-fourth of the membership; among newer members,

 the proportion is nearly one-third. Seven percent of the A.A.'s surveyed are

less than thirty years of age -- among them, many in their teens.

    The basic principles of the A.A. program, it appears, hold good for

individuals with many different lifestyles, just as the program has brought

recovery to those of many different nationalities. The Twelve Steps that

summarize the program may be called los Douze Etapes in another, but they trace

exactly the same path to recovery that was blazed by the earliest members of

Alcoholics Anonymous.

    In spite of the great increase in the size and the span of this Fellowship,

at its core it remains simple and personal. Each day, somewhere in the world,

recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing

experience, strength, and hope.

The Doctor's Opinion

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    WE OF Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the reader will be interested in the

medical estimate of the plan of recovery described in this book. Convincing

testimony must surely come from medical men who have had experience with the

sufferings of our members and have witnessed our return to health. A well known

doctor, chief physician at a nationally prominent hospital specializing in

alcoholic and drug addiction, gave Alcoholics Anonymous this letter:

    To Whom It May Concern:

    I have specialized in the treatment of alcoholism for many years.

    In late 1934 I attended a patient who, though he had been a competent

business man of good earning capacity, was an alcoholic of a type I had come to

regard as hopeless.

    In the course of his third treatment he acquired certain ideas concerning a

possible means of recovery. As part of his rehabilitation he commenced to

present his conceptions to other alcoholics, impressing upon them that they must

do likewise with still others. This has become the basis of a rapidly growing

fellowship of these men and their families. This man and over one hundred others

appear to have recovered.

    I personally know scores of cases who were of the type with whom other

methods had failed completely.

    These facts appear to be of extreme medical importance; because of the

extraordinary possibilities of rapid growth inherent in this group they may mark

a new epoch in the annals of alcoholism. These men may well have a remedy for

thousands of such situations.

        You may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves.

    Very truly yours,

    (Signed) - - - - - M.D.

      The physician who, at our request, gave us this letter, has been kind

enough to enlarge upon his views in another statement which follows. In this

statement he confirms what we who have suffered alcoholic torture must

believe-that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. It did

not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our drinking just because we

were maladjusted to life, that we were in full flight from reality, or were

outright mental defectives. These things were true to some extent, in fact, to a

considerable extent with some of us. But we are sure that our bodies were

sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out

this physical factor is incomplete.

    The doctor's theory that we have an allergy to alcohol interests us. As

laymen, our opinion as to its soundness may, of course, mean little. But as

ex-problem drinkers, we can say that his explanation makes good sense. It

explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account.

    Though we work out our solution on the spiritual as well as an altruistic

plane, we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is very jittery or

befogged. More often than not, it is imperative that a man's brain be cleared

before he is approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and

accepting what we have to offer.

    The doctor writes:

      The subject presented in this book seems to me to be of paramount

  importance to those afflicted with alcoholic addiction.

      I say this after many years' experience as Medical Director of one of the

  oldest hospitals in the country treating alcoholic and drug addiction.

      There was, therefore, a sense of real satisfaction when I was asked to

  contribute a few words on a subject which is covered in such masterly detail

  in these pages.

      We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral

  psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application

  presented difficulties beyond our conception. What with our ultra-modern

  standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well

  equipped to apply the powers of good that lie outside our synthetic knowledge.

      Many years ago one of the leading contributors to this book came under our

  care in this hospital and while here he acquired some ideas which he put into

  practical application at once.

      Later, he requested the privilege of being allowed to tell his story to

  other patients here and with some misgiving, we consented. The cases we have

  followed through have been most interesting; in fact, many of them are

  amazing. The unselfishness of these men as we have come to know them, the

  entire absence of profit motive, and their community spirit, is indeed

  inspiring to one who has labored long and wearily in this alcoholic field.

  They believe in themselves, and still more in the Power which pulls chronic

  alcoholics back from the gates of death.

      Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for

  liquor, and this often requires a definite hospital procedure, before

  psychological measures can be of maximum benefit.

      We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol

  on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the

  phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average

  temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any

  form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it,

  once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human,

  their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.

      Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest

  and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all

  cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if

  they are to re-create their lives.

      If any feel that as psychiatrists directing a hospital for alcoholics we

  appear somewhat sentimental, let them stand with us a while on the firing

  line, see the tragedies, the despairing wives, the little children; let the

  solving of these problems become a part of their daily work, and even of their

  sleeping moments, and the most cyni cal will not wonder that we have accepted

  and encouraged this movement. We feel, after many years of experience, that we

  have found nothing which has contributed more to the rehabilitation of these

  men than the altruistic movement now growing up among them.

      Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by

  alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious,

  they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their

  alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and

  discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort

  which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking

  with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do,

  and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known

  stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink

  again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience

  an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

      On the other hand-and strange as this may seem to those who do not

  understand-once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed

  doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly

  finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort

  necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.

      Men have cried out to me in sincere and despairing appeal: "Doctor, I

  cannot go on like this! I have everything to live for! I must stop, but I

  cannot! You must help me!"

      Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he must

  sometimes feel his own inadequacy. Although he gives all that is in him, it

  often is not enough. One feels that something more than human power is needed

  to produce the essential psychic change. Though the aggregate of recoveries

  resulting from psychiatric effort is considerable, we physicians must admit we

  have made little impression upon the problem as a whole. Many types do not

  respond to the ordinary psychological approach.

      I do not hold with those who believe that alcoholism is entirely a problem

  of mental control. I have had many men who had, for example, worked a period

  of months on some problem or business deal which was to be settled on a

  certain date, favorably to them. They took a drink a day or so prior to the

  date, and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other

  interests so that the important appointment was not met. These men were not

  drinking to escape; they were drinking to overcome a craving beyond their

  mental control.

      There are many situations which arise out of the phenomenon of craving

  which cause men to make the supreme sacrifice rather than continue to fight.

      The classification of alcoholics seems most difficult, and in much detail

  is outside the scope of this book. There are, of course, the psychopaths who

  are emotionally unstable. We are all familiar with this type. They are always

  "going on the wagon for keeps." They are over-remorseful and make many

  resolutions, but never a decision.

      There is the type of man who is unwilling to admit that he cannot take a

  drink. He plans various ways of drinking. He changes his brand or his

  environment. There is the type who always believes that after being entirely

  free from alcohol for a period of time he can take a drink without danger.

  There is the manic-depressive type, who is, perhaps, the least understood by

  his friends, and about whom a whole chapter could be written.

      Then there are types entirely normal in every respect except in the effect

  alcohol has upon them. They are often able, intelligent, friendly people.

      All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start

  drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we

  have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates

  these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by

  any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only

  relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.

      This immediately precipitates us into a seething caldron of debate. Much

  has been written pro and con, but among physicians, the general opinion seems

  to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed.

      What is the solution? Perhaps I can best answer this by relating one of my

  experiences.

      About one year prior to this experience a man was brought in to be treated

  for chronic alcoholism. He had but partially recovered from a gastric

  hemorrhage and seemed to be a case of pathological mental deterioration. He

  had lost everything worth while in life and was only living, one might say, to

  drink. He frankly admitted and believed that for him there was no hope.

  Following the elimination of alcohol, there was found to be no permanent brain

  injury. He accepted the plan outlined in this book. One year later he called

  to see me, and I experienced a very strange sensation. I knew the man by name,

  and partly recognized his features, but there all resemblance ended. From a

  trembling, despairing, nervous wreck, had emerged a man brimming over with

  self-reliance and contentment. I talked with him for some time, but was not

  able to bring myself to feel that I had known him before. To me he was a

  stranger, and so he left me. A long time has passed with no return to alcohol.

      When I need a mental uplift, I often think of another case brought in by a

  physician prominent in New York City. The patient had made his own diagnosis,

  and deciding his situation hopeless, had hidden in a deserted barn determined

  to die. He was rescued by a searching party, and, in desperate condition,

  brought to me. Following his physical rehabilitation, he had a talk with me in

  which he frankly stated he thought the treatment a waste of effort, unless I

  could assure him, which no one ever had, that in the future he would have the

  "will power" to resist the impulse to drink.

      His alcoholic problem was so complex, and his depression so great, that we

  felt his only hope would be through what we then called "moral psychology,"

  and we doubted if even that would have any effect.

      However, he did become "sold" on the ideas contained in this book. He has

  not had a drink for a great many years. I see him now and then and he is as

  fine a specimen of manhood as one could wish to meet.

      I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book through, and though

  perhaps he came to scoff, he may remain to pray.

Chapter 1

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Bill's Story

    War fever ran high in the New England town to which we new, young officers

from Plattsburg were assigned, and we were flattered when the first citizens

took us to their homes, making us feel heroic. Here was love, applause, war;

moments sublime with intervals hilarious. I was part of life at last, and in the

midst of the excitement I discovered liquor. I forgot the strong warnings and

the prejudices of my people concerning drink. In time we sailed for "Over

There." I was very lonely and again turned to alcohol.

    We landed in England. I visited Winchester Cathedral. Much moved, I wandered

outside. My attention was caught by a doggerel on an old tombstone:

    "Here lies a Hampshire Grenadier

   Who caught his death

    Drinking cold small beer.

    A good soldier is ne'er forgot

    Whether he dieth by musket

    Or by pot."

    Ominous warning which I failed to heed.

    Twenty-two, and a veteran of foreign wars, I went home at last. I fancied

myself a leader, for had not the men of my battery given me a special token of

appreciation? My talent for leadership, I imagined, could place me at the head

 of vast enterprises which I would manage with the utmost assurance. I took a

night law course, and obtained employment as investigator for a surety company.

The drive for success was on. I'd prove to the world I was important. My work

took me about Wall Street and little by little I became interested in the

market. Many people lost money but some became very rich. Why not I? I studied

economics and business as well as law. Potential alcoholic that I was, I nearly

failed my law course. At one of the finals I was too drunk to think or write.

Though my drinking was not yet continuous, it disturbed my wife. We had long

talks when I would still her forebodings by telling her that men of genius

conceived their best projects when drunk; that the most majestic constructions

 philosophic thought were so derived.

    By the time I had completed the course, I knew the law was not for me. The

inviting maelstrom of Wall Street had me in its grip. Business and financial

leaders were my heroes. Out of this ally of drink and speculation, I commenced

 to forge the weapon that one day would turn in its flight like a boomerang and

all but cut me to ribbons. Living modestly, my wife and I saved $1,000. It went

into certain securities, then cheap and rather unpopular. I rightly imagined

that they would some day have a great rise. I failed to persuade my broker

friends to send me out looking over factories and managements, but my wife and I

decided to go anyway. I had developed a theory that most people lost money in

stocks through ignorance of markets. I discovered many more reasons later on.

    We gave up our positions and off we roared on a motorcycle, the sidecar

stuffed with tent, blankets, a change of clothes, and three huge volumes of a

financial reference service. Our friends thought a lunacy commission should be

appointed. Perhaps they were right. I had had some success at speculation, so we

had a little money, but we once worked on a farm for a month to avoid drawing on

our small capital. That was the last honest manual labor on my part for many a

day. We covered the whole eastern United States in a year. At the end of it, my

reports to Wall Street procured me a position there and the use of a large

expense account. The exercise of an option brought in more money, leaving us

with a profit of several thousand dollars for that year.

    For the next few years fortune threw money and applause my way. I had

arrived. My judgment and ideas were followed by many to the tune of paper

millions. The great boom of the late twenties was seething and swelling. Drink

was taking an important and exhilarating part in my life. There was loud talk in

the jazz places uptown. Everyone spent in thousands and chattered in millions.

Scoffers could scoff and be damned. I made a host of fair-weather friends.

    My drinking assumed more serious proportions, continuing all day and almost

every night. The remonstrances of my friends terminated in a row and I became a

lone wolf. There were many unhappy scenes in our sumptuous apartment. There had

 been no real infidelity, for loyalty to my wife, helped at times by extreme

drunkenness, kept me out of those scrapes.

    In 1929 I contracted golf fever. We went at once to the country, my wife to

applaud while I started out to overtake Walter Hagen. Liquor caught up with me

much faster than I came up behind Walter. I began to be jittery in the morning.

 Golf permitted drinking every day and every night. It was fun to carom around

the exclusive course which had inspired such awe in me as a lad. I acquired the

impeccable coat of tan one sees upon the well-to- do. The local banker watched

me whirl fat checks in and out of his till with amused skepticism.

    Abruptly in October 1929 hell broke loose on the New York stock exchange.

After one of those days of inferno, I wobbled from a hotel bar to a brokerage

office. It was eight o'clock five hours after the market closed. The ticker

 still clattered. I was staring at an inch of the tape which bore the

inscription XYZ-32. It had been 52 that morning. I was finished and so were many

friends. The papers reported men jumping to death from the towers of High

Finance. That disgusted me. I would not jump. I went back to the bar. My friends

had dropped several million since ten o'clock so what? Tomorrow was another day.

As I drank, the old fierce determination to win came back.

    Next morning I telephoned a friend in Montreál. He had plenty of money left

and thought I had better go to Canada. By the following spring we were living in

our accustomed style. I felt like Napoleon returning from Elba. No St. Helena

for me! But drinking caught up with me again and my generous friend had to let

me go. This time we stayed broke.

    We went to live with my wife's parents. I found a job; then lost it as the

result of a brawl with a taxi driver. Mercifully, no one could guess that I was

to have no real employment for five years, or hardly draw a sober breath. My

wife began to work in a department store, coming home exhausted to find me

drunk. I became an unwelcome hanger-on at brokerage places.

    Liquor ceased to be a luxury; it became a necessity. "Bathtub" gin, two

bottles a day, and often three, got to be routine. Sometimes a small deal would

net a few hundred dollars, and I would pay my bills at the bars and

delicatessens. This went on endlessly, and I began to waken very early in the

 morning shaking violently. A tumbler full of gin followed by half a dozen

bottles of beer would be required if I were to eat any breakfast. Nevertheless,

I still thought I could control the situation, and there were periods of

sobriety which renewed my wife's hope.

    Gradually things got worse. The house was taken over by the mortgage holder,

my mother-in-law died, my wife and father-in-law became ill.

    Then I got a promising business opportunity. Stocks were at the low point of

1932, and I had somehow formed a group to buy. I was to share generously in the

profits. Then I went on a prodigious bender, and that chance vanished.

    I woke up. This had to be stopped. I saw I could not take so much as one

drink. I was through forever. Before then, I had written lots of sweet promises,

but my wife happily observed that this time I meant business. And so I did.

    Shortly afterward I came home drunk. There had been no fight. Where had been

my high resolve? I simply didn't know. It hadn't even come to mind. Someone had

pushed a drink my way, and I had taken it. Was I crazy? I began to wonder, for

such an appalling lack of perspective seemed near being just that.

    Renewing my resolve, I tried again. Some time passed, and confidence began

to be replaced by cocksureness. I could laugh at the gin mills. Now I had what

it takes! One day I walked into a cafe to telephone. In no time I was beating on

 the bar asking myself how it happened. As the whisky rose to my head I told

myself I would manage better next time, but I might as well get good and drunk

then. And I did.

    The remorse, horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable.

The courage to do battle was not there. My brain raced uncontrollably and there

was a terrible sense of impending calamity. I hardly dared cross the street,

 lest I collapse and be run down by an early morning truck, for it was scarcely

daylight. An all night place supplied me with a dozen glasses of ale. My

writhing nerves were stilled at last. A morning paper told me the market had

gone to hell again. Well, so had I. The market would recover, but I wouldn't.

That was a hard thought. Should I kill myself? No not now. Then a mental fog

settled down. Gin would fix that. So two bottles, and oblivion.

    The mind and body are marvelous mechanisms, for mine endured this agony two

more years. Sometimes I stole from my wife's slender purse when the morning

terror and madness were on me. Again I swayed dizzily before an open window, or

the medicine cabinet where there was poison, cursing myself for a weakling.

There were flights from city to country and back, as my wife and I sought

escape. Then came the night when the physical and mental torture was so hellish

I feared I would burst through my window, sash and all. Somehow I managed to

drag my mattress to a lower floor, lest I suddenly leap. A doctor came with a

heavy sedative. Next day found me drinking both gin and sedative. This

 combination soon landed me on the rocks. People feared for my sanity. So did I.

I could eat little or nothing when drinking, and I was forty pounds under

weight.

    My brother-in-law is a physician, and through his kindness and that of my

mother I was placed in a nationally-known hospital for the mental and physical

rehabilitation of alcoholics. Under the so-called belladonna treatment my brain

cleared. Hydrotherapy and mild exercise helped much. Best of all, I met a kind

doctor who explained that though certainly selfish and foolish, I had been

seriously ill, bodily and mentally.

    It relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics the will is amazingly

weakened when it comes to combating liquor, though if often remains strong in

other respects. My incredible behavior in the face of a desperate desire to stop

 was explained. Understanding myself now, I fared forth in high hope. For three

or four months the goose hung high. I went to town regularly and even made a

little money. Surely this was the answer self- knowledge.

    But it was not, for the frightful day came when I drank once more. The curve

of my declining moral and bodily health fell off like a ski-jump. After a time I

returned to the hospital. This was the finish, the curtain, it seemed to me. My

weary and despairing wife was informed that it would all end with heart failure

during delirium tremens, or I would develop a wet brain, perhaps within a year.

We would soon have to give me over to the undertaker of the asylum.

    They did not need to tell me. I knew, and almost welcomed the idea. It was a

devastating blow to my pride. I, who had thought so well of myself and my

abilities, of my capacity to surmount obstacles, was cornered at last. Now I was

to plunge into the dark, joining that endless procession of sots who had gone on

before. I thought of my poor wife. There had been much happiness after all. What

would I not give to make amends. But that was over now.

    No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter

morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met

my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.

    Trembling, I stepped from the hospital a broken man. Fear sobered me for a

bit. Then came the insidious insanity of that first drink, and on Armistice Day

1934, I was off again. Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I would

 have to be shut up somewhere, or would stumble along to a miserable end. How

dark it is before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of my last

debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth

dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way

of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes.

    Near the end of that bleak November, I sat drinking in my kitchen. With a

certain satisfaction I reflected there was enough gin concealed about the house

to carry me through that night and the next day. My wife was at work. I wondered

whether I dared hide a full bottle of gin near the head of our bed. I would need

it before daylight.

    My musing was interrupted by the telephone. The cheery voice of an old

school friend asked if he might come over. He was sober. It was years since I

could remember his coming to New York in that condition. I was amazed. Rumor had

it that he had been committed for alcoholic insanity. I wondered how he had

escaped. Of course he would have dinner, and then I could drink openly with him.

Unmindful of his welfare, I thought only of recapturing the spirit of other

days. There was that time we had chartered an airplane to complete a jag! His

coming was an oasis in this dreary desert of futility. The very thing an oasis!

Drinkers are like that.

    The door opened and he stood there, fresh-skinned and glowing. There was

something about his eyes. He was inexplicably different. What had happened?

    I pushed a drink across the table. He refused it. Disappointed but curious,

I wondered what had got into the fellow. He wasn't himself.

    "Come, what's all this about? I queried.

    He looked straight at me. Simply, but smilingly, he said, "I've got

religion."

    I was aghast. So that was it last summer an alcoholic crackpot; now, I

suspected, a little cracked about religion. He had that starry-eyed look. Yes,

the old boy was on fire all right. But bless his heart, let him rant! Besides,

my gin would last longer than his preaching.

    But he did no ranting. In a matter of fact way he told how two men had

appeared in court, persuading the judge to suspend his commitment. They had told

of a simple religious idea and a practical program of action. That was two

 months ago and the result was self-evident. It worked!

    He had come to pass his experience along to me if I cared to have it. I was

shocked, but interested. Certainly I was interested. I had to be, for I was

hopeless.

    He talked for hours. Childhood memories rose before me. I could almost hear

the sound of the preacher's voice as I sat, on still Sundays, way over there on

the hillside; there was that proffered temperance pledge I never signed; my

 grandfather's good natured contempt of some church fold and their doings; his

insistence that the spheres really had their music; but his denial of the

preacher's right to tell him how he must listen; his fearlessness as he spoke of

these things just before he died; these recollections welled up from the past.

They made me swallow hard.

    That war-time day in old Winchester Cathedral came back again.

    I had always believed in a Power greater that myself. I had often pondered

these things. I was not an atheist. Few people really are, for that means blind

faith in the strange proposition that this universe originated in a cipher and

aimlessly rushes nowhere. My intellectual heroes, the chemists, the astronomers,

 even the evolutionist, suggested vast laws and forces at work. Despite contrary

indications, I had little doubt that a might purpose and rhythm underlay all.

How could there be so much of precise and immutable law, and no intelligence? I

simply had to believe in a Spirit of the Universe, who knew neither time nor

 limitation. But that was as far as I had gone.

    With ministers, and the world's religions, I parted right there. When they

talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction,

I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory. To Christ I

conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who

claimed Him. His moral teaching-most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those

parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.

    The wars which had been fought, the burnings and chicanery that religious

dispute had facilitated, made me sick. I honestly doubted whether, on balance,

the religions of mankind had done any good. Judging from what I had seen in

 Europe and since, the power of God in human affairs was negligible, the

Brotherhood of Man a grim jest. If there was a Devil, he seemed the Boss

Universal, and he certainly had me.

    But my friend sat before me, and he made the pointblank declaration that God

had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed.

Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up. Like

myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Then he had, in effect, been raised

from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than

the best he had ever known!

    Had this power originated in him? Obviously it had not. There had been no

more power in him than there was in me at that minute; and this was none at all.

    That floored me. It began to look as though religious people were right

after all. Here was something at work in a human heart which had done the

impossible. My ideas about miracles were drastically revised right then. Never

mind the musty past; here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. He

shouted great tidings.

    I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. He was on

different footing. His roots grasped a new soil.

    Despite the living example of my friend there remained in me the vestiges of

my old prejudice. The word God still aroused a certain antipathy. When the

thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me this feeling was

intensified. I didn't like the idea. I could go for such conceptions as Creative

 Intelligence, Universal Mind or Spirit of Nature but I resisted the thought of

a Czar of the Heavens, however loving His sway might be. I have since talked

with scores of men who felt the same way.

    My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, "Why don't you

choose your own conception of God?"

    That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose

shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.

    It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than

myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth

could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might

 build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would!

    Thus was I convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him

enough. At long last I saw, I felt, I believed. Scales of pride and prejudice

fell from my eyes. A new world came into view.

    The real significance of my experience in the Cathedral burst upon me. For a

brief moment, I had needed and wanted God. There had been a humble willingness

to have Him with me-and He came. But soon the sense of His presence had been

 blotted out by worldly clamors, mostly those within myself. And so it had been

ever since. How blind I had been.

    At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment

seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens.

    There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood Him, to do with

me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I

admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was

lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend

take them away, root and branch. I have not had a drink since.

    My schoolmate visited me, and I fully acquainted him with my problems and

deficiencies. We made a list of people I had hurt or toward whom I felt

resentment. I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals,

admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to right all such

matters to the utmost of my ability.

    I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness within. Common sense

would thus become uncommon sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking

only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never

was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others.

Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure.

    My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new

relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living

which answered all my problems. Belief in the power of God, plus enough

willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of

 things, were the essential requirements. Simple, but not easy; a price had to

be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to

the Father of Light who presides over us all. These were revolutionary and

drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was

electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as

I had never know. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the

great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most

men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden and profound. For a moment I was

alarmed, and called my friend, the doctor, to ask if I were still sane. He

listened in wonder as I talked. Finally he shook his head saying, "Something has

happened to you I don't understand. But you had better hang on to it. Anything

is better than the way you were." The good doctor now sees many men who have

such experiences. He knows that they are real. While I lay in the hospital the

thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad

to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could help some of them.

They in turn might work with others. My friend had emphasized the absolute

necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly was

it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without works

was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! For if an

 alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and

self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots

ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he

would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that.

   to TOP of Page

    My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping

other alcoholics to a solution of their problems. It was fortunate, for my old

business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half, during which I

found little work. I was not too well at the time, and was plagued by waves of

self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I

soon found that when all other measure failed, work with another alcoholic would

save the day. Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair. On talking

to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a

design for living that works in rough going.

    We commenced to make many fast friends and a fellowship has grown up among

us of which it is a wonderful thing to feel a part. The joy of living we really

have, even under pressure and difficulty. I have seen hundreds of families set

 their feet in the path that really goes somewhere; have seen the most

impossible domestic situations righted; feuds and bitterness of all sorts wiped

out. I have seen men come out of asylums and resume a vital place in the lives

of their families and communities. Business and professional men have regained

their standing. There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has not

been overcome among us. In one western city and its environs there are one

thousand of us and our families. We meet frequently so that newcomers may find

the fellowship they seek. At these informal gatherings one may often see from 50

to 200 persons. We are growing in numbers and power.*

    An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature. Our struggles with them

are variously strenuous, comic, and tragic. One poor chap committed suicide in

my home. He could not, or would not see our way of life.

    There is, however, a vast amount of fun about it all. I suppose some would

be shocked at our seeming worldliness and levity. But just underneath there is

deadly earnestness. Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us,

or we perish.

    Most of us feel we need look no further for Utopia. We have it with us right

here and now. Each day my friend's simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself

in a widening circle of peace on earth and good will to men.

    Bill W. co-founder of A.A., died January, 1971.

    * In 1982, A.A. is composed of more than 42,000 groups.  

Chapter 2

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There Is A Solution

    We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, know thousands of men and women who were once

just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink

problem.

    We are average Americans. All sections of this country and many of its

occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and

religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. But there

exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is

 indescribably wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment

after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade

the vessel from steerage to Captain's table. Unlike the feelings of the ship's

passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go

our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one

element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never

have held us together as we are now joined.

    The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common

solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we

can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book

carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. An illness of this sort and we have

come to believe it an illness involves those about us in a way no other human

sickness can. If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry

or hurt. But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes

annihilation of all the things worth while in life. It engulfs all whose lives

 touch the sufferer's. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial

insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children,

sad wives and parents anyone can increase the list.

    We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are, or who may be

affected. There are many.

    Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it

sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without

reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us

even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.

    But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly

armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of

another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little

or nothing can be accomplished.

    That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he

obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at

the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of

 Holier Than Thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful;

that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no

lectures to be endured these are the conditions we have found most effective.

After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again.

    None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its

effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our

drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our

principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All

of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to

describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly

all their time to the work.

    If we keep on the way we are going there is little doubt that much good will

result, but the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched. Those of us

who live in large cities are overcome by the reflection that close by hundreds

 are dropping into oblivion every day. Many could recover if they had the

opportunity we have enjoyed. How then shall we present that which has been so

freely given us?

    We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem

as we see it. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge.

This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking

 problem.

    Of necessity there will have to be discussion of matters medical,

psychiatric, social, and religious. We are aware that these matters are from

their very nature, controversial. Nothing would please us so much as to write a

book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. We shall do our

utmost to achieve that ideal. Most of us sense that real tolerance of other

people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are

attitudes which make us more useful to others. Our very lives, as ex-problem

drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet

their needs.

    You may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very

ill from drinking. Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the

face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless

condition of mind and body. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it,

you may already be asking What do I have to do?"

    It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We

shall tell you what we have done. Before going into a detailed discussion, it

may be well to summarize some points as we see them.

    How many time people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. Why

can't he?" "Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" "That fellow can't

handle his liquor." "Why don't you try beer and wine?" "Lay off the hard stuff."

"His will power must be weak." "He could stop if he wanted to." "She's such a

sweet girl, I should think he'd stop for her sake." "The doctor told him that if

he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."

    Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the

time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that

these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

    Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they

have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.

    Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly

enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die

a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason ill health, falling

 in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor becomes operative,

this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and

troublesome and may even need medical attention.

    But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker;

he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his

drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he

starts to drink.

    Here is a fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of

control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or

less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature

but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink

for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously

anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong

moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement

kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything

 except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He

often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising

career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his

family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless

series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to

sleep the clock around. Yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle

he misplace the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed

all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to

throw down the wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination

 of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work.

Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again.

Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which

to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.

    This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our

behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.

    Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that

one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and

humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water

wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still

sometimes displays with respect to other matters?

    Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary

considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We

are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him.

We cannot answer the riddle.

    We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, as he may do for

months or years, he reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that

once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in

the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to

stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this.

    These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took

the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the

main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. If

you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer

you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain

plausibility, but none of them really makes sense in the light of the havoc an

alcoholic's drinking bout creates. They sound like the philosophy of the man

who, having a headache, beats himself on the head with a hammer so that he can't

feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an

alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk.

    Once in a while he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is

usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have.

Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But

 in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a

real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday,

they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count.

    How true this is, few realize. In a vague way their families and friends

sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully awaits the day

when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of

will.

    The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may

not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every

alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop

 drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived

in practically every case long before it is suspected.

    The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the

power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically

nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness

with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week

 or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

    The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do

not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and

readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle

ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense

that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

    The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me

this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have

 some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or

fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I

ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll

stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"

    When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with

alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and

unless locked up, may die or to permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts

have been confirmed by legions of alcohoholics throughout history. But for the

grace of God, there would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations. So

many want to stop but cannot.

    There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self- searching, the

leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires

for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and

 we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been

living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had

been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of

spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been

rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.

    The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and

effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude

toward life, toward our fellows and toward God's universe. The central fact of

our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our

hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to

accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.

    If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no

middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming

impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return

through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter

end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we

could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly

wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.

    A certain American business man had ability, good sense, and high character.

For years he had floundered from one sanitarium to another. He had consulted the

best known American psychiatrists. Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself

 in the care of a celebrated physician (the psychiatrist, Dr. Jung) who

prescribed for him. Though experience had made him skeptical, he finished his

treatment with unusual confidence. His physical and mental condition were

unusually good. Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge

of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was

unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. More baffling still, he

could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.

    So he returned to this doctor, whom he admired, and asked him point-blank

why he could not recover. He wished above all things to regain self-control. He

seemed quite rational and well- balanced with respect to other problems. Yet he

had no control whatever over alcohol. Why was this?

    He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. In the

doctor's judgment he was utterly hopeless; he could never regain his position in

society and he would have to place himself under lock and key or hire a

bodyguard if he expected to live long. That was a great physician's opinion.

    But this man still lives, and is a free man. He does not need a bodyguard

nor is he confined. He can go anywhere on this earth where other from men may go

without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple

 attitude.

    Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help.

Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with his doctor.

    The doctor said: "You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never

seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent

that it does in you." Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on

him with a clang.

    He said to the doctor, "Is there no exception?"

    "Yes," replied the doctor, "there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have

been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics

 have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences

are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements

and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding

forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely

new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. In fact, I have been

trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. With many

individuals the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been

successful with an alcoholic of your description."*

    Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved, for he reflected that,

after all, he was a good church member. This hope, however, was destroyed by the

doctor's telling him that while his religious convictions were very good, in his

 case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience. Here was the

terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself when he had the extraordinary

experience, which as we have already told you, made him a free man.

    We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning

men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and

powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design

 for living" that really works.

    The distinguished American psychologist, William James, in his book

"Varieties of Religious Experience," indicates a multitude of ways in which men

have discovered God. We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one

way by which faith can be acquired. If what we have learned and felt and seen

means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or

color are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship

upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough

to try. Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to

their beliefs or ceremonies. There is no friction among us over such matters.

    We think it no concern of ours what religious bodies our members identify

themselves with as individuals. this should be an entirely personal affair which

each one decides for himself in the light of past associations, or his present

 choice. Not all of join religious bodies, but most of us favor such

memberships.

    In the following chapter, there appears an explanation of alcoholism, as we

understand it, then a chapter addressed to the agnostic. Many who once were in

this class are now among our members. Surprisingly enough, we find such

convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience.

    Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered. These

are followed by three dozen personal experiences.

    Each individual, in the personal stories, describes in his own language and

from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God.

These give a fair cross section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what

has actually happened in their lives.

    We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our

hope is that many alcoholic men and women, desperately in need, will see these

pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our

 problems that they will be persuaded to say, "Yes, I am one of them too; I must

have this thing."

Chapter 3

     to TOP

    More About Alcoholism

    Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person

likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore,

 it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by

countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that

somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession

of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many

pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

    We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were

alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like

other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

    We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our

drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt

at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were

inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and

incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of

our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period

we get worse, never better.

    We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither

does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our

kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances

 there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse.

Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a

making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish

this, but it hasn't done so yet.

    Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to

believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and

experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule,

therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his

drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are

off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink

like other people!

    Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the

number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking

only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business

 hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only

natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not

taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking

more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and

sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the

 list ad infinitum.

    We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly

diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled

drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not

take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be

worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.

    Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking

careers most of us could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few

alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. We have heard of

a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able

to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so. Here is

one.

    A man of thirty was doing a great deal of spree drinking. He was very

nervous in the morning after these bouts and quieted himself with more liquor.

He was ambitious to succeed in business, but saw that he would get nowhere if he

drank at all. Once he started, he had no control whatever. He made up his mind

that until he had been successful in business and had retired, he would not

touch another drop. An exceptional man, he remained bone dry for twenty-five

years and retired at the age of fifty-five, after a successful and happy

business career. Then he fell victim to a belief which practically every

alcoholic has that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified

 him to drink as other men. Out came his carpet slippers and a bottle. In two

months he was in a hospital, puzzled and humiliated. He tried to regulate his

drinking for a little while, making several trips to the hospital meantime.

Then, gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop altogether and found he

could not. Every means of solving his problem which money could buy was at his

 disposal. Every attempt failed. Though a robust man at retirement, he went to

pieces quickly and was dead within four years.

    This case contains a powerful lesson. most of us have believed that if we

remained sober for a long stretch, we could thereafter drink normally. But here

is a man who at fifty-five years found he was just where he had left off at

thirty. We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: "Once an alcoholic,

always an alcoholic." Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in

a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking , there must be

no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be

immune to alcohol.

    Young people may be encouraged by this man's experience to think that they

can stop, as he did, on their own will power. We doubt if many of them can do

it, because none will really want to stop, and hardly one of them, because of

the peculiar mental twist already acquired, will find he can win out. Several of

our crowd, men of thirty or less, had been drinking only a few years, but they

found themselves as helpless as those who had been drinking twenty years.

    To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time

nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women.

Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond

recall in a few years. Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called

alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. We, who are familiar with

the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young people

everywhere. But try and get them to see it!

    As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point

where we could quit on our will power. If anyone questions whether he has

entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. If

he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success.

In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or

more, becoming serious drinkers again later. Though you may be able to stop for

a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. We think few, to

whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. Some will be

drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks.

    For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop

altogether. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Whether

such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis depends upon the extent to

which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. Many

of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease

forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism

as we know it this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the

necessity or the wish.

    How then shall we help our readers determine, to their own satisfaction,

whether they are one of us? The experiment of quitting for a period of time will

be helpful, but we think we can render an even greater service to alcoholic

 sufferers and perhaps to the medical fraternity. So we shall describe some of

the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is

the crux of the problem.

    What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the

desperate experiment of the first drink? Friends who have reasoned with him

after a spree which has brought him to the point of divorce or bankruptcy are

mystified when he walks directly into a saloon. Why does he? Of what is he

thinking?

    Our first example is a friend we shall call Jim. This man has a charming

wife and family. He inherited a lucrative automobile agency. He had a

commendable World War record. He is a good salesman. Everybody likes him. He is

an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see, except for a nervous

disposition. He did no drinking until he was thirty-five. In a few years he

 became so violent when intoxicated that he had to be committed. On leaving the

asylum he came into contact with us.

    We told him what we knew of alcoholism and the answer we had found. He made

a beginning. His family was re- assembled, and he began to work as a salesman

for the business he had lost through drinking. All went well for a time, but he

 failed to enlarge his spiritual life. To his consternation, he found himself

drunk half a dozen times in rapid succession. On each of these occasions we

worked with him, reviewing carefully what had happened. He agreed he was a real

alcoholic and in a serious condition. He knew he faced another trip to the

asylum if he kept on. Moreover, he would lose his family for whom he had a deep

affection. Yet he got drunk again. we asked him to tell us exactly how it

happened. This is his story: "I came to work on Tuesday morning. I remember I

felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. I had a

few words with the brass, but nothing serious. Then I decided to drive to the

country and see one of my prospects for a car. On the way I felt hungry so I

stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. I had no intention of

drinking. I just thought I would get a sandwich. I also had the notion that I

might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar for I had been

going to it for years. I had eaten there many times during the months I was

sober. I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. Still

no thought of drinking. I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another

glass of milk.

    "Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of

whiskey in my milk it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. I ordered a whiskey

and poured it into the milk. I vaguely sense I was not being any too smart, but

I reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment went

so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. That didn't

seem to bother me so I tried another."

    Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of

commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense

mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had much

knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were

easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if

only he mixed it with milk!

    Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain

insanity. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight,

be called anything else?

    You may think this an extreme case. To us it is not far- fetched, for this

kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us. We have

sometimes reflected more than Jim did upon the consequences. But there was

always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning

 there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink.

Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next

day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have

happened.

    In some circumstances we have gone out deliberately to get drunk, feeling

ourselves justified by nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy or the

like. But even in this type of beginning we are obliged to admit that our

 justification for a spree was insanely insufficient in the light of what always

happened. We now see that when we began to drink deliberately, instead or

casually, there was little serious or effective thought during the period of

premeditation of what the terrific consequences might be.

    Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first

drink as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking. He gets a

thrill out of skipping in front of fast-moving vehicles. He enjoys himself for a

few years in spite of friendly warnings. Up to this point you would label him as

a foolish chap having queer ideas of fun. Luck then deserts him and he is

slightly injured several times in succession. You would expect him, if he were

normal, to cut it out. Presently he is hit again and this time has a fractured

skull. Within a week after leaving the hospital a fast-moving trolley car breaks

 his arm. He tells you he has decided to stop jay-walking for good, but in a few

weeks he breaks both legs.

    On through the years this conduct continues, accompanied by his continual

promises to be careful or to keep off the streets altogether. Finally, he can no

longer work, his wife gets a divorce and he is held up to ridicule. He tries

every known means to get the jaywalking idea out of his head. He shuts himself

up in an asylum, hoping to mend his ways. But the day he comes out he races in

front of a fire engine, which breaks his back. Such a man would be crazy,

wouldn't he?

    You may think our illustration is too ridiculous. But is it? We, who have

been through the wringer, have to admit if we substituted alcoholism for

jay-walking, the illustration would fit exactly. However intelligent we may have

 been in other respects, where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely

insane. It's strong language but isn't it true?

    Some of you are thinking: "Yes, what you tell is true, but it doesn't fully

apply. We admit we have some of these symptoms, but we have not gone to the

extremes you fellows did, nor are we likely to, for we understand ourselves so

well after what you have told us that such things cannot happen again. We have

not lost everything in life through drinking and we certainly do not intend to.

Thanks for the information."

    That may be true of certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking

foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because

their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were. But the actual or

potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception, will be absolutely unable to

stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. This is a point we wish to

emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has

been revealed to us out of bitter experience. Let us take another illustration.

    Fred is a partner in a well known accounting firm. His income is good, he

has a fine home, is happily married and the father of promising children of

college age. He has so attractive a personality that he makes friends with

everyone. If ever there was a successful business man, it is Fred. To all

 appearance he is a stable, well balanced individual. Yet, he is alcoholic. We

first saw Fred about a year ago in a hospital where he had gone to recover from

a bad case of jitters. It was his first experience of this kind, and he was much

ashamed of it. Far from admitting he was an alcoholic , he told himself he came

 to the hospital to rest his nerves. The doctor intimated strongly that he might

be worse than he realized. For a few days he was depressed about his condition.

He made up his mind to quit drinking altogether. It never occurred to him that

perhaps he could not do so, in spite of his character and standing. Fred would

not believe himself an alcoholic, much less accept a spiritual remedy for his

problem. We told him what we knew about alcoholism. He was interested and

conceded that he had some of the symptoms, but he was a long way from admitting

that he could do nothing about it himself. He was positive that this humiliating

experience, plus the knowledge he had acquired, would keep him sober the rest of

his life. Self- knowledge would fix it.

    We heard no more of Fred for a while. One day we were told that he was back

in the hospital. This time he was quite shaky. He soon indicated he was anxious

to see us. The story he told is most instructive, for here was a chap absolutely

 convinced he had to stop drinking, who had no excuse for drinking, who

exhibited splendid judgment and determination in all his other concerns, yet was

flat on his back nevertheless.

    Let him tell you about it: "I was much impressed with what you fellows said

about alcoholism, and I frankly did not believe it would be possible for me to

drink again. I rather appreciated your ideas about the subtle insanity which

precedes the first drink, but I was confident it could not happen to me after

what I had learned. I reasoned I was not so far advanced as most of you fellows,

that I had been usually successful in licking my other personal problems, and

that I would therefore be successful where you men failed. I felt I had every

right to be self- confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my

will power and keeping on guard.

    "In this frame of mind, I went about my business and for a time all was

well. I had no trouble refusing drinks, and began to wonder if I had not been

making too hard work of a simple matter. One day I went to Washington to present

some accounting evidence to a government bureau. I had been out of town before

during this particular dry spell, so there was nothing new about that.

Physically, I felt fine. Neither did I have any pressing problems or worries. My

business came off well, I was pleased and knew my partners would be too. It was

the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon.

    "I went to my hotel and leisurely dressed for dinner. As I crossed the

threshold of the dining room, the thought came to mind that it would be nice to

have a couple of cocktails with dinner. That was all. Nothing more. I ordered a

cocktail and my meal. Then I ordered another cocktail. After dinner I decided to

take a walk. When I returned to the hotel it struck me a highball would be fine

before going to bed, so I stepped into the bar and had one. I remember having

several more that night and plenty next morning. I have a shadowy recollection

 of being in a airplane bound for New York, and of finding a friendly taxicab

driver at the landing field instead of my wife. The driver escorted me for

several days. I know little of where I went or what I said and did. Then came

the hospital with the unbearable mental and physical suffering.

    "As soon as I regained my ability to think, I went carefully over that

evening in Washington. Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight

whatever against the first drink. This time I had not thought of the

consequences at all. I had commenced to drink as carelessly as thought the

cocktails were ginger ale. I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told

me, how they prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place

would come I would drink again. They had said that though I did raise a defense,

it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well,

just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not

occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw

that will power and self- knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank

spots. I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had

them hopelessly defeated. I knew then. It was the crushing blow.

    "Two of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous came to see me. They grinned,

which I didn't like so much, and then asked me if I thought myself alcoholic and

if I were really licked this time. I had to concede both propositions. They

piled on me heaps of evidence to the effect that an alcoholic mentality, such as

I had exhibited in Washington, was hopeless condition. They cited cases out of

their own experience by the dozen. This process snuffed out the last flicker of

conviction that I could do the job myself.

    "Then they outlined the spiritual answer and program of action which a

hundred of them had followed successfully. Though I had been only a nominal

churchman, their proposals were not, intellectually, hard to swallow. But the

program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I

would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window. That was not

easy. But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the

curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was relieved, as in fact it proved

to be.

    "Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve

all my problems. I have since been brought into a way of living infinitely more

satisfying and, I hope, more useful than the life I lived before. My old manner

of life was by no means a bad one, but I would not exchange its best moments for

the worst I have now. I would not go back to it even if I could."

    Fred's story speaks for itself. We hope it strikes home to thousands like

him. He had felt only the first nip of the wringer. Most alcoholics have to be

pretty badly mangled before they really commence to solve their problems.

    Many doctors and psychiatrists agree with our conclusions. One of these men,

staff member of a world-renowned hospital, recently made this statement to some

of us: "What you say about the general hopelessness of the average alcoholics'

 plight is, in my opinion, correct. As to two of you men, whose stories I have

heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from

divine help. Had you offered yourselves as patients at this hospital, I would

not have taken you, if I had been able to avoid it. People like you are too

heartbreaking. Though not a religious person, I have profound respect for the

 spiritual approach in such cases as yours. For most cases, there is virtually

no other solution."

    Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense

against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human

being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.

Chapter 4

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We Agnostics

    In the preceding chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. we hope

we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic.

If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when

drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably

alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only

a spiritual experience will conquer.

    To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems

impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an

alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live

 on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.

    But it isn't so difficult. About half our original fellowship were of

exactly that type. At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against

hope we were not true alcoholics. But after a while we had to face the fact that

 we must find a spiritual basis of life or else. Perhaps it is going to be that

way with you. But cheer up, something like half of us thought we were atheists

or agnostics. Our experience shows that you need not be disconcerted.

    If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to

overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that

such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We

could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact,

we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't

there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they

failed utterly.    to TOP of Page

    Lack of power, that was our dilemma. we had to find a power by which we

could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But

where and how were we to find this Power?

    Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable

you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. That

means we have written a book which we believe to be spiritual as well as moral.

 And it means, of course, that we are going to talk about God. Here difficulty

arises with agnostics. Many times we talk to a new man and watch his hope rise

as we discuss his alcoholic problems and explain our fellowship. But his face

falls when we speak of spiritual matters, especially when we mention God, for we

have re-opened a subject which our man thought he had neatly evaded or entirely

ignored.

    We know how he feels. We have shared his honest doubt and prejudice. Some of

us have been violently anti-religious. To others, the word "God" brought up a

particular idea of Him with which someone had tried to impress them during

childhood. Perhaps we rejected this particular conception because it seemed

inadequate. With that rejection we imagined we had abandoned the God idea

entirely. We were bothered with the thought that faith and dependence upon a

Power beyond ourselves was somewhat weak, even cowardly. We looked upon this

world of warring individuals, warring theological systems, and inexplicable

 calamity, with deep skepticism. We looked askance at many individuals who

claimed to be godly. How could a Supreme Being have anything to do with it all?

And who could comprehend a Supreme Being anyhow? Yet, in other moments, we found

ourselves thinking, when enchanted by a starlit night, "Who, then, make all

this?" There was a feeling of awe and wonder, but it was fleeting and soon lost.

    Yes, we of agnostic temperament have had these thoughts and experiences. Let

us make haste to reassure you. We found that as soon as we were able to lay

aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater

than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for

any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God.

    Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another's

conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to

make the approach and to effect a contact with Him. As soon as we admitted the

possible existence of a Creative Intelligence, a Spirit of the Universe

 underlying the totality of things, we began to be possessed of a new sense of

power and direction, provided we took other simple steps. We found that God does

not make too hard terms with those who seek Him. To us, the Realm of Spirit is

broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who

earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.

    When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God.

This applies, too, to other spiritual expressions which you find in this book.

Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from

honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. At the start, this was all we

needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with

God as we understood Him. Afterward, we found ourselves accepting many things

which then seemed entirely out of reach. That was growth, but if we wished to

grow we had to begin somewhere. So we used our own conception, however limited

 it was.

    We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. -"Do I now believe, or am

I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon

as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically

assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that

upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be

built.*

    That was great news to us, for we had assumed we could not make use of

spiritual principles unless we accepted many things on faith which seemed

difficult to believe. When people presented us with spiritual approaches, how

frequently did we all say, "I wish I had what that man has. I'm sure it would

work if I could only believe as he believes. But I cannot accept as surely true

the many articles of faith which are so plain to him." So it was comforting to

learn that we could commence at a simpler level.

    Besides a seeming inability to accept much on faith, we often found

ourselves handicapped by obstinacy, sensitiveness, and unreasoning prejudice.

Many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things

make us bristle with antagonism. This sort of thinking had to be abandoned.

 Though some of us resisted, we found no great difficulty in casting aside such

feelings. Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open minded on

spiritual matters as we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect

alcohol was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of

reasonableness. Sometimes this was a tedious process; we hope no one else will

prejudiced for as long as some of us were.

    The reader may still ask why he should believe in a Power greater than

himself. We think there are good reasons. Let us have a look at some of them.

    The practical individual of today is a stickler for facts and results.

Nevertheless, the twentieth century readily accepts theories of all kinds,

provided they are firmly grounded in fact. We have numerous theories, for

example, about electricity. Everybody believes them without a murmur of doubt.

Why this ready acceptance? Simply because it is impossible to explain what we

see, feel, direct, and use, without a reasonable assumption as a starting point.

    Everybody nowadays, believes in scores of assumptions for which there is

good evidence, but no perfect visual proof. And does not science demonstrate

that visual proof is the weakest proof? It is being constantly revealed, as

mankind studies the material world, that outward appearances are not inward

 reality at all. To illustrate:

    The prosaic steel girder is a mass of electrons whirling around each other

at incredible speed. These tiny bodies are governed by precise laws, and these

laws hold true throughout the material world, Science tells us so. We have no

reason to doubt it. When, however, the perfectly logical assumption is suggested

that underneath the material world and life as we see it, there is an All

Powerful, Guiding, Creative Intelligence, right there our perverse streak comes

to the surface and we laboriously set out to convince ourselves it isn't so. We

read wordy books and indulge in windy arguments, thinking we believe this

universe needs no God to explain it. Were our contentions true, it would follow

that life originated out of nothing, means nothing, and proceeds nowhere.

    Instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agents, spearheads of God's

ever advancing Creation, we agnostics and atheists chose to believe that our

human intelligence was the last word, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and

end of all. Rather vain of us, wasn't it?

    We, who have traveled this dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudice,

even against organized religion. We have learned that whatever the human

frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given purpose and

direction to millions. People of faith have a logical idea of what life is all

about. Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatever. We used to

amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs and practices when we

might have observed that many spiritually-minded persons of all races, colors,

and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness and usefulness

which we should have sought ourselves. Instead, we looked at the human defects

 of these people, and sometimes used their shortcomings as a basis of wholesale

condemnation. We talked of intolerance, while we were intolerant ourselves. We

missed the reality and the beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the

ugliness of some its trees. We never gave the spiritual side of life a fair

hearing.

    In our personal stories you will find a wide variation in the way each

teller approaches and conceives of the Power which is greater than himself.

Whether we agree with a particular approach or conception seems to make little

difference. Experience has taught us that these are matters about which, for our

purpose, we need not be worried. They are questions for each individual to

settle for himself.

    On one proposition, however, these men and women are strikingly agreed.

Every one of them has gained access to, and believe in, a Power greater than

himself. This Power has in each case accomplished the miraculous, the humanly

 impossible. As a celebrated American statesman put it, "Let's look at the

record."

    Here are thousands of men and women, worldly indeed. They flatly declare

that since they have come to believe in a Power greater than themselves, to take

a certain attitude toward that Power, and to do certain simple things. There has

been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. In the face of

collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources,

they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed

into them. This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few simple

requirements. Once confused and baffled by the seeming futility of existence,

 they show the underlying reasons why they were making heavy going of life.

Leaving aside the drink question, they tell why living was so unsatisfactory.

They show how the change came over them. When many hundreds of people are able

to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important

fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith.

    This world of ours has made more material progress in the last century than

in all the millenniums which went before. Almost everyone knows the reason.

Students of ancient history tell us that the intellect of men in those days was

equal to the best of today. Yet in ancient times, material progress was

painfully slow. The spirit of modern scientific inquiry, research and invention

was almost unknown. In the realm of the material, men's minds were fettered by

superstition, tradition, and all sort of fixed ideas. Some of the contemporaries

of Columbus thought a round earth preposterous. Others came near putting Galileo

to death for his astronomical heresies.

    We asked ourselves this: Are not some of us just as biased and unreasonable

about the realm of the spirit as were the ancients about the realm of the

material? Even in the present century, American newspapers were afraid to print

 an account of the Wright brothers' first successful flight at Kittyhawk. Had

not all efforts at flight failed before? Did not Professor Langley's flying

machine go to the bottom of the Potomac River? Was it not true that the best

mathematical minds had proved man could never fly? Had not people said God had

reserved this privilege to the birds? Only thirty years later the conquest of

 the air was almost an old story and airplane travel was in full swing.

    But in most fields our generation has witnessed complete liberation in

thinking. Show any longshoreman a Sunday supplement describing a proposal to

explore the moon by means of a rocket and he will say, "I bet they do it maybe

 not so long either." Is not our age characterized by the ease with which we

discard old ideas for new, by the complete readiness with which we throw away

the theory or gadget which does not work for something new which does?

    We had to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply to our human problems this

same readiness to change our point of view. We were having trouble with personal

relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to

misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of

 uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of

real help to other people was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more

important than whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight? Of course it

was.

    When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit

of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not

work. But the God idea did.

    The Wright brothers' almost childish faith that they could build a machine

which would fly was the mainspring of their accomplishment. Without that,

nothing could have happened. We agnostics and atheists were sticking to the idea

that self- sufficiency would solve our problems. When others showed us that

"God-sufficiency worked with them, we began to feel like those who had insisted

the Wrights would never fly.

    Logic is great stuff. We like it. We still like it. It is not by chance we

were given the power to reason, to examine the evidence of our sense, and to

draw conclusions. That is one of man's magnificent attributes. We agnostically

inclined would not feel satisfied with a proposal which does not lend itself to

reasonable approach and interpretation. Hence we are at pains to tell why we

think our present faith is reasonable, why we think it more sane and logical to

believe than not to believe, why we say our former thinking was soft and mushy

when we threw up our hands in doubt and said, "We don't know."

    When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crises we could not

postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is

everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't. What was our choice

to be?

    Arrived at this point, we were squarely confronted with the question of

faith. We couldn't duck the issue. Some of us had already walked far over the

Bridge of Reason toward the desired shore of faith. The outlines and the promise

of the New Land had brought lustre to tired eyes and fresh courage to flagging

spirits. Friendly hands had stretched out in welcome. We were grateful that

Reason had brought us so far. But somehow, we couldn't quite step ashore.

Perhaps we had been leaning too heavily on reason that last mile and we did not

like to lose our support.

    That was natural, but let us think a little more closely. Without knowing

it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? For

did we not believe in our own reasoning? did we not have confidence in our

ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we had been faithful,

abjectly faithful to the God of Reason. So, in one way or another, we discovered

that faith had been involved all the time!

    We found, too, that we had been worshippers. What a state of mental

goose-flesh that used to bring on! Had we not variously worshipped people,

sentiment, things, money, and ourselves? And then, with a better motive, had we

not worshipfully beheld the sunset, the sea, or a flower? Who of us had not

loved something or somebody? How much did these feelings, these loves, these

worships, have to do with pure reason? Little or nothing, we saw at last. Were

not these things the tissue out of which our lives were constructed? Did not

these feelings, after all, determine the course of our existence? It was

impossible to say we had no capacity for faith, or love, or worship. In one form

 or another we had been living by faith and little else.

    Imagine life without faith! Were nothing left but pure reason, it wouldn't

be life. But we believed in life of course we did. We could not prove life in

the sense that you can prove a straight line is the shortest distance between

 two points, yet, there it was. Could we still say the whole thing was nothing

but a mass of electrons, created out of nothing, meaning nothing, whirling on to

a destiny of nothingness? Or course we couldn't. The electrons themselves seemed

more intelligent than that. At least, so the chemist said.

    Hence, we saw that reason isn't everything. Neither is reason, as most of us

use it, entirely dependable, thought it emanate from our best minds. What about

people who proved that man could never fly? Yet we had been seeing another kind

of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world, people who rose above their

problems. They said God made these things possible, and we only smiled. We had

seen spiritual release, but liked to tell ourselves it wasn't true.

    Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and

child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp,

by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in

a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in

human lives, are facts as old as man himself.

    We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up,

just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search

fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the

Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He

may be found. It was so with us.

    We can only clear the ground a bit. If our testimony helps sweep away

prejudice, enables you to think honestly, encourages you to search diligently

within yourself, then, if you wish, you can join us on the Broad Highway. With

 this attitude you cannot fail. the consciousness of your belief is sure to come

to you.

    In this book you will read the experience of a man who thought he was an

atheist. His story is so interesting that some of it should be told now. His

change of heart was dramatic, convincing, and moving. Our friend was a

minister's son. He attended church school, where he became rebellious at what he

thought an overdose of religious education. For years thereafter he was dogged

 by trouble and frustration. Business failure, insanity, fatal illness, suicide

these calamities in his immediate family embittered and depressed him. Post-war

disillusionment, ever more serious alcoholism, impending mental and physical

collapse, brought him to the point to self-destruction.

    One night, when confined in a hospital, he was approached by an alcoholic

who had known a spiritual experience. Our friend's gorge rose as he bitterly

cried out: "If there is a God, He certainly hasn't done anything for me!" But

 later, alone in his room, he asked himself this question: "Is it possible that

all the religious people I have known are wrong?" While pondering the answer he

felt as though he lived in hell. Then, like a thunderbolt, a great thought came.

It crowded out all else:

    "Who are you to say there is no God?"                                       

        To top of this chapter

    This man recounts that he tumbled out of bed to his knees. In a few seconds

he was overwhelmed by a conviction of the Presence of God. It poured over and

through him with the certainty and majesty of a great tide at flood. The

 barriers he had built through the years were swept away. He stood in the

Presence of Infinite Power and Love. He had stepped from bridge to shore. For

the first time, he lived in conscious companionship with his Creator.

    Thus was our friend's cornerstone fixed in place. No later vicissitude has

shaken it. His alcoholic problem was taken away. That very night, years ago, it

disappeared. Save for a few brief moments of temptation the though of drink has

 never returned; and at such times a great revulsion has risen up in him.

Seemingly he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity.

    What is this but a miracle of healing? Yet its elements are simple.

Circumstances made him willing to believe. He humbly offered himself to his

Maker then he knew.

    Even so has God restored us all to our right minds. To this man, the

revelation was sudden. Some of us grow into it more slowly. But He has come to

all who have honestly sought Him.

    When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!    

Chapter 5

   to TOP

How It Works

    Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give

themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are

constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such

unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They

 are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which

demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.

    There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders,

but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

    Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what

happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have

and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take

certain steps.

    At some of these we balked. thought we could find an easier, softer way. But

we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be

fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to

our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

    Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without

help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God.

May you find Him now!

    Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. we asked

His protection and care with complete abandon.

    Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

    1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become

unmanageable.

    2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to

sanity.

    3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as

we understood Him.

    4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

    5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact

nature of our wrongs.

    6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

    7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

    8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make

amends to them all.

    9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so

would injure them or others.

    10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly

admitted it.

    11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact

with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and

the power to carry that out.

    12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried

to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our

affairs.

    Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be

discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect

 adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are

willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are

guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual

perfection.

    Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our

personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

    (a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.

    (b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.

    (c) That God could and would if He were sought.

    Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our

will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by

that, and just what do we do?

    The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will

can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with

something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live

by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole

show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the

rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if

only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including

 himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these

arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind,

considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other

hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most

humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.

    What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to

think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He

becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may

be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he

is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant,

self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even

when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest

satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not

 evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And

do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can

get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of

confusion rather than harmony?

    Our actor is self-centered, ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays.

He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the

winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over

the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all

would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe

cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all

and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with

ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?

    Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.

Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity,

we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us,

seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the

past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to

be hurt.

    So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out

of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot,

though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid

 of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there

often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us

had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them

even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our

self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have

God's help.

    This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God.

It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was

going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the

Father, and we are His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept

was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to

freedom.

    When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things

followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed,

if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a

footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our own little plans

and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could

contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind,

as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His

presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were

 reborn.

    We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood

Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee - to build with me and to do with me as Thou

wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take

away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would

help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" We

thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at

last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.

    We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding

person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser. But it is better to

meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of

course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without

reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an

effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.

   Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which

is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our

decision was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect

unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the

things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So

we had to get down to causes and conditions.to TOP of Page

    Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A

business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial

inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to

 discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged

or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner

of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.

    We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First,

we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being

convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we

considered its common manifestations.

    Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than

anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not

only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the

spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In

dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions

or principle with who we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In

most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions,

our personal relationships, (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were

sore. We were "burned up." On our grudge list we set opposite each name our

injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or

sex relations, which had been interfered with? We were usually as definite as

this example:

      I'm resentful at: The CauseAffects my

      Mr. BrownHis attention to my wife.Sex relations

        Self-esteem (fear)

       Told my wife of my mistress.Sex relations

        Self-esteem (fear)

       Brown may get my job at the officeSecurity

        Self-esteem

      Mrs. JonesShe's a nut -- she snubbed me.Personal relations

       She ship committed her husband for drinking.

       He's my friend

       She's a gossip.Self-esteem

      My employerUnreasonable -- Unjust -- Overbearing - Threatens to fire me

      for my drinking and padding my expense account.

      Self-esteem (fear)

      Security

      My wife

      Misunderstands and Pride --

      Likes Brown

      Wants house put in her name.

      Pride--Personal,

      sex relations --

      Security (fear)

TOP

    We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and

honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully. The first thing

 apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude

that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was

that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse

and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our

own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our

moments of triumph were short-lived.

    It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to

futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we

squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic,

whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this

business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when

harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit.

The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to

die.

    If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the

brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but

for alcoholics these things are poison.

    We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were

prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that

the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of

others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw

that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away

any more than alcohol.

    This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps

spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these

disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show

 them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a

sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man.

How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

    We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If

we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all

people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of

each and every one.

    Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had

done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish,

dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely

our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were

we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults

we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our

wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight. to top of page

    Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr.

Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches

about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric

of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of

circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not

we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed

with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

    We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had

no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them.

Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it

went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence,

 but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us

cocky, it was worse.

    Perhaps there is a better way, we think so. For we are now on a different

basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our

finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the

extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He

enable us to match calamity with serenity.

    We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at

those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way

of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of

faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we

let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear

and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to

outgrow fear.   to top of page

    Now about sex.    Many of needed an overhauling there. But above all, we

tried to be sensible on this question. It's so easy to get way off the track.

Here we find human opinions running to extremes - absurd extremes, perhaps. One

set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of

procreation.

    Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the

institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are

traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it

isn't the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would

allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight

pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the

arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human

if we didn't. What can we do about them?

    We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish,

dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse

jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have

done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.

    In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex

life. We subjected each relation to this test -was it selfish or not? We asked

God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that

 our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or

selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.

    Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We

must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not

bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we

would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each

specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it.

    God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often

desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as

fanatical about sex as others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice.

    Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are

going to get drunk. Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It

depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and

have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will

be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our

conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not

theorizing. These are facts out of our experience.

    To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in

each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right

thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping

 others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of

ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache.

    If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down

a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend

their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible

 destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will

toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have

listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out

the past if we can.

    In this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could

not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever

self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision, and

an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That

being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about

yourself.  

Chapter 6

( Steps 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

TOP

   Having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been

trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to

discover the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects; we have

ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger on the

weak times in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This

requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have

admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of

our defects. This brings us to the Fifth Step  in the program of recovery

mentioned in the preceding chapter.

    This is perhaps difficult, especially discussing our defects with another

person. We think we have done well enough in admitting these things to

ourselves. There is doubt about that. In actual practice, we usually find a

solitary self-appraisal insufficient. Many of us thought it necessary to go much

further. We will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with another person

when we see good reasons why we should do so. The best reason first: If we skip

this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have

tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid

this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably

 they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered

why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their

housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst

items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only

thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of

 humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until

they told someone else all their life story.

    More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much

the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one

he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows

 in his heart he doesn't deserve it.

    The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming

to his sense, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These

memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him.

 As far as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they

will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension, that

makes for more drinking.

    Psychologists are inclined to agree with us. We have spent thousands of

dollars for examinations. We know but few instances where we have given these

doctors a fair break. We have seldom told them the whole truth nor have we

followed their advice. Unwilling to be honest with these sympathetic men, we

were honest with no one else. Small wonder many in the medical profession have a

low opinion of alcoholics and their chance for recovery!

    We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or

happily in this world. Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the

person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step. Those

of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession must, and

of course, will want to go to the properly appointed authority whose duty it is

to receive it. Though we have no religious conception, we may still do well to

talk with someone ordained by an established religion. We often find such a

person quick to see and understand our problem. Of course, we sometimes

encounter people who do not understand alcoholics.

    If we cannot or would rather not do this, we search our acquaintance for a

close-mouthed, understanding friend. Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will be

the person. It may be one of our own family, but we cannot disclose anything to

our wives or our parents which will hurt them and make them unhappy. We have no

right to save our own skin at another person's expense. Such parts of our story

we tell to someone who will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we must

be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.

    Notwithstanding the great necessity for discussing ourselves with someone,

it may be one is so situated that there is no suitable person available. If that

is so, this step may be postponed, only, however, if we hold ourselves in

 complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity. We say this

because we are very anxious that we talk to the right person. It is important

that he be able to keep a confidence; that he fully understand and approve what

we are driving at; that he will not try to change our plan. But we must not use

this as a mere excuse to postpone.

    When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste not time. We have a

written inventory and we are prepared for a long talk. We explain to our partner

what we are about to do and why we have to do it. He should realize that we are

engaged upon a life-and-death errand. Most people approached in this way will be

glad to help; they will be honored by our confidence.

    We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character,

every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding

nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at

perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of

our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have

a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will

often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand

with the Spirit of the Universe.

     Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully

reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we

know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which

 contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if

we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall

walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in

place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to

make mortar without sand? If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at

Step Six. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now

ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are

objectionable? Can He now take them all, everyone? If we still cling to

something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.

    When ready, we say something like this: "My Creator, I am now willing that

you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me

every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you

and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.

Amen." We have then completed Step Seven.

     Now we need more action, without which we find that "Faith without works is

dead." Let's look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have

harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took

inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self- appraisal. Now we go out to

our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the

debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the

show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes.

Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory

over alcohol.

    Probably there are still some misgivings. As we look over the list of

business acquaintances and friends we have hurt, we may feel diffident about

going to some of them on a spiritual basis. Let us be reassured. To some people

we need not, and probably should not emphasize the spiritual feature on our

first approach. We might prejudice them. At the moment we are trying to put our

lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit

ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. It is seldom

wise to approach an individual, who still smarts from our injustice to him, and

 announce that we have gone religious. In the prize ring, this would be called

leading with the chin. Why lay ourselves open to being branded fanatics or

religious bores? We may kill a future opportunity to carry a beneficial message.

But our man is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right the

wrong. He is going to be more interested in a demonstration of good will than in

our talk of spiritual discoveries.

    We don't use this as an excuse for shying away from the subject of God. When

it will serve any good purpose, we are willing to announce our convictions with

tact and common sense. The question of how to approach the man we hated will

arise. It may be he has done us more harm than we have done him and, though we

may have acquired a better attitude toward him, we are still not too keen about

admitting our faults. Nevertheless, with a person we dislike, we take the bit in

our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much

 more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit,

confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret.

    Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. Simply tell him

that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten

out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that

nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him

what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own. If our

manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result.

    In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens. Sometimes the man we are

calling upon admits his own fault, so feuds of years' standing melt away in an

hour. Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress. Our former enemies

sometimes praise what we are doing and wish us well. Occasionally, they will

offer assistance. It should not matter, however, if someone does throw us out of

his office. We have made our demonstration, done our part. It's water over the

dam.

    Most alcoholics owe money. We do not dodge our creditors. Telling them what

we are trying to do, we make no bones about our drinking; they usually know it

anyway, whether we think so or not. Nor are we afraid of disclosing our

 alcoholism on the theory it may cause financial harm. Approached in this way,

the most ruthless creditor will sometimes surprise us. Arranging the best deal

we can we let these people know we are sorry. Our drinking has made us slow to

pay. We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we

 are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them.

    Perhaps we have committed a criminal offense which might land us in jail if

it were known to the authorities. We may be short in our accounts and unable to

make good. We have already admitted this in confidence to another person, but we

 are sure we would be imprisoned or lose our job if it were known. Maybe it's

only a petty offense such as padding the expense account. Most of us have done

that sort of thing. Maybe we are divorced, and have remarried but haven't kept

up the alimony to number one. She is indignant about it, and has a warrant out

for our arrest. That's a common form of trouble too.

    Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general

principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go

to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength

 and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences

may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing.

We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.

    Usually, however, other people are involved. Therefore, we are not to be the

hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself

from the alcoholic pit. A man we know had remarried. Because of resentment and

drinking, he had not paid alimony to his first wife. She was furious. She went

to court and got an order for his arrest. He had commenced our way of life, had

secured a position, and was getting his head above water. It would have been

impressive heroics if he had walked up to the Judge and said, "Here I am."

    We thought he ought to be willing to do that if necessary, but if he were in

jail he could provide nothing for either family. We suggested he write his first

wife admitting his faults and asking forgiveness. He did, and also sent a small

amount of money. He told her what he would try to do in the future. He said he

was perfectly willing to go to jail is she insisted. Of course she did not, and

the whole situation has only since been adjusted. Before taking drastic action

which might implicate other people we secure their consent. If we have obtained

permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step

is indicated we must not shrink.

    This brings to mind a story about one of our friends. While drinking, he

accepted a sum of money from a bitterly-hated business rival, giving him no

receipt for it. He subsequently denied having received the money and used the

 incident as a basis for discrediting the man. He thus used his own wrong- doing

as a means of destroying the reputation of another. In fact, his rival was

ruined.   (to TOP of Page)

    He felt that he had done a wrong he could not possibly make right. If he

opened that old affair, he was afraid it would destroy the reputation of his

partner, disgrace his family and take away his means of livelihood. What right

had he to involve those dependent upon him? How could he possibly make a public

statement exonerating his rival?

    After consulting with his wife and partner he came to the conclusion that it

was better to take those risks than to stand before his Creator guilty of such

ruinous slander. He saw that he had to place the outcome in God's hands or he

would soon start drinking again, and all would be lost anyhow. He attended

church for the first time in many years. After the sermon, he quietly got up and

made an explanation. His action met widespread approval, and today he is one of

the most trusted citizens of his town. This all happened years ago.

    The chances are that we have domestic troubles. Perhaps we are mixed up with

women in a fashion we wouldn't care to have advertised. We doubt if, in this

respect, alcoholics are fundamentally much worse that other people. But drinking

does complicate sex relations in the home. After a few years with an alcoholic,

a wife get worn out, resentful and uncommunicative. How could she be anything

else? The husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for himself. He commences to look

around in the night clubs, or their equivalent, for something besides liquor.

Perhaps he is having a secret and exciting affair with "the girl who

 understands." In fairness we must say that she may understand, but what are we

going to do about a thing like that? A man so involved often feels very

remorseful at times, especially if he is married to a loyal and courageous girl

who has literally gone through hell for him.

    Whatever the situation, we usually have to do something about it. If we are

sure our wife does not know, should we tell here? Not always, we think. If she

knows in a general way that we have been wild, should we tell her it detail?

Undoubtedly we should admit our fault. She may insist on knowing all the

particulars. She will want to know who the woman is and where she is. We feel we

ought to say to her that we have no right to involve another person. We are

sorry for what we have done and, God willing, it shall not be repeated. More

 than that we cannot do; we have no right to go further. Though there may be

justifiable exceptions, and though we wish to lay down no rule of any sort, we

have often found this the best course to take.

    Our design for living is not a one-way street. It is as good for the wife as

for the husband. If we can forget, so can she. It is better, however, that one

does not needlessly name a person upon whom she can vent jealousy.

    Perhaps there are some cases where the utmost frankness is demanded. No

outsider can appraise such an intimate situation. It may be that both will

decide that the way of good sense and loving kindness is to let by-gones be

by-gones. Each might pray about it, having the other one's happiness uppermost

 in mind. Keep it always in sight that we are dealing with that most terrible

human emotion, jealousy. Good generalship may decide that the problem be

attacked on the flank rather than risk a face-to- face combat.

    If we have no such complication, there is plenty we should do at home.

Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep

sober. Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn't.

But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years

he has so shockingly treated. Passing all understanding is the patience mothers

and wives have had with alcoholics. Had this not been so, many of us would have

no homes today, would perhaps be dead.

    The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others.

Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted.

Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept he home in turmoil. We feel a man is

unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came

up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked,

"Don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't it grand the wind stopped

blowin'?" Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the

lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the bill at all. We

ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it,

being very careful not to criticize them. Their defects may be glaring, but the

chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. So we clean house with

the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way

of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.

    The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. Unless one's family

expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles we think we ought not to

urge them. We should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters. They

will change in time. Our behavior will convince them more than our words. We

must remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out

of anyone.

    There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don't worry about them

if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. Some

people cannot be seen - we sent them an honest letter. And there may be a valid

reason for postponement in some cases. But we don't delay if it can be avoided.

We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or

scraping. As God's people we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone.

    If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed

before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new

happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will

comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the

scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That

feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in

selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of

economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle

situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing

for us what we could not do for ourselves.

    Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among

us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work

 for them.

     This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take

personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We

 vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have

entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding

and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our

lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with

 someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we

resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of

others is our code.

    And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this

time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If

tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally,

and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new

attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our

part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither

are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position

 of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the

problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are

we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

    It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our

laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are

not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on

the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must

carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve

Thee, Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us

constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is

the proper use of the will.

    Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and

direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully

followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To

some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital

sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action.

     Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this

matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly. It works, if we

have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy to be vague about this

matter. Yet, we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions.

    When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we

resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept

something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?

Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we

 thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do

for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be

careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would

diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's

forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

    On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our

plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking,

especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking

 motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with

assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought- life will be

placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

    In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to

determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive

thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are

often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.

 What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a

working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made

conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired

at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions

and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more

and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it. to TOP of Page

    We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown

all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we

need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from

self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for

ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for

our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it

doesn't work. You can easily see why.

    If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning

meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite

morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we

sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles

we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about

these may be obtained from one's priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see

where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.

    As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for

the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer

running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be

done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry,

self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire

so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were

trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

    It works - it really does.

    We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple

way we have just outlined. But this is not all. There is action and more action.

"Faith without works is dead." The next chapter is entirely devoted to

Step Twelve.

Chapter 7

to TOP

 Working With Others

    Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from

drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities

fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics!

 You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when other

fail. Remember they are very ill.

    Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help

others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to

have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss. We know you

will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is

the bright spot of our lives.

    Perhaps you are not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. You

can easily find some by asking a few doctors, ministers, priests or hospitals.

They will be only too glad to assist you. Don't start out as an evangelist or

reformer. Unfortunately a lot of prejudice exists. You will be handicapped if

you arouse it. Ministers and doctors are competent and you can learn much from

them if you wish, but it happens that because of your own drinking experience

you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics. So cooperate; never criticize.

To be helpful is our only aim.

    When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, find out all you can

about him. If he does not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to

persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity. This advice is given for his

family also. They should be patient, realizing they are dealing with a sick

person.

    If there is any indication that he wants to stop, have a good talk with the

person most interested in him--usually his wife. Get an idea of his behavior,

his problems, his background, the seriousness of his condition, and his

religious leanings. You need this information to put yourself in his place, to

see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned.

    Sometimes it is wise to wait till he goes on a binge. The family may object

to this, but unless he is in a dangerous physical condition, it is better to

risk it. Don't deal with him when he is very drunk, unless he is ugly and the

family needs your help. Wait for the end of the spree, or at least for a lucid

interval. Then let his family or a friend ask him if he wants to quit for good

and if he would go to any extreme to do so. If he says yes, then his attention

should be drawn to you as a person who has recovered. You should be described to

him as one of a fellowship who, as part of their own recovery, try to help

others and who will be glad to talk to him if he cares to see you.

    If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him. Neither

should the family hysterically plead with him to do anything, nor should they

tell him much about you. They should wait for the end of his next drinking bout.

You might place this book where he can see it in the interval. Here no specific

rule can be given. The family must decide these things. But urge them not to be

over-anxious, for that might spoil matters.

    Usually the family should not try to tell your story. When possible, avoid

meeting a man through his family. Approach through a doctor or an institution is

a better bet. If your man needs hospitalization, he should have it, but not

forcibly unless he is violent. Let the doctor, if he will, tell him he has

something in the way of a solution.

    When your man is better, the doctor might suggest a visit from you. Though

you have talked with the family, leave them out of the first discussion. Under

these conditions your prospect will see he is under not pressure. He will feel

 he can deal with you without being nagged by his family. Call on him while he

is still jittery. He may be more receptive when depressed.

    See your man alone, if possible. At first engage in general conversation.

After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell him enough about

your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of

 himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea

of how you ought to proceed. If he is not communicative, give him a sketch or

your drinking career up to the time you quit. But say nothing, for the moment,

of how that was accomplished. If he is in a serious mood dwell on the troubles

liquor has caused you, being careful not to moralize or lecture. If his mood is

 light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell some of

his.

    When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe

yourself as an alcoholic. Tell him how baffled you were, how you finally learned

that you were sick. Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop. Show

him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you

do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism. If he is alcoholic, he

will understand you at once. He will match you mental inconsistencies with some

of his own.

    If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic, begin to dwell on the

hopeless feature of the malady. Show him, from your own experience, how the

queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning

of the will power. Don't, at this stage, refer to this book, unless he has seen

it and wishes to discuss it. And be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic.

Let him draw his own conclusion. If he sticks to the idea that he can still

control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can - if he is not too

alcoholic. But insist that if he is severely afflicted, there may be little

chance he can recover by himself.

    Continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. Talk about

the conditions of body and mind which accompany it. Keep his attention focussed

mainly on your personal experience. Explain that many are doomed who never

realize their predicament. Doctors are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients

the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose. But you may talk to him

about the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution. You will soon

have you friend admitting he has many, if not all, of the traits of the

 alcoholic. If his own doctor is willing to tell him that he is alcoholic, so

much the better. Even though your protege may not have entirely admitted his

condition, he has become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask you

that question, if he will. Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the

 spiritual feature freely. If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic

that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any

conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he

be willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and that he live by

spiritual principles.

    When dealing with such a person, you had better use everyday language to

describe spiritual principles. There is no use arousing any prejudice he may

have against certain theological terms and conceptions about which he may

already be confused. Don't raise such issues, no matter what your own

convictions are.

    Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. His religious

education and training may be far superior to yours. In that case he is going to

wonder how you can add anything to what he already knows. But he well be curious

 to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so

well. He may be an example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient. To be

vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive

action. Let him see that you are not there to instruct him in religion. Admit

 that he probably knows more about it than you do, but call to his attention the

fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or

he would not drink, Perhaps your story will help him see where he has failed to

practice the very precepts he knows so well. We represent no particular faith or

 denomination. We are dealing only with general principles common to most

denominations.

    Outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how

you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to

him. It is important for him to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him

plays a vital part in your recovery. Actually, he may be helping you more than

you are helping him. Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you

hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own

difficulties. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other

people ahead of his own. Make it clear that he is not under pressure, that he

needn't see you again if he doesn't want to. You should not be offended if he

wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him. If

your talk has been sane, quiet and full of human understanding, you have perhaps

made a friend. Maybe you have disturbed him about the question of alcoholism.

This is all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better. He will be more

 likely to follow your suggestions.

    Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program.

He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion

with other people. Do not contradict such views. Tell him you once felt as he

does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken

action. On your first visit tell him about the Fellowship of Alcoholics

Anonymous. If he shows interest, lend him your copy of this book.

    Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, do not wear out your

welcome. Give him a chance to think it over. If you do stay , let him steer the

conversation in any direction he like. Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed

 at once, and you may be tempted to let him do so. This is sometimes a mistake.

If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you rushed him. You will be most

successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or

reform. Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop;

simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they

 worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants

to get well you will do anything to help.

    If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a

banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to

drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurts some

more.

    If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read

this book in the interval. After doing that, he must decide for himself whether

he wants to go on. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his

 friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.

    If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other

spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no

monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us. But point out

 that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to

be friendly. Let it go at that. Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not

respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to

find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find

it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you.

If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot

recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some

other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. One of our Fellowship

failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he

had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others, who have

 since recovered, of their chance.

    Suppose now you are making your second visit to a man. He has read this

volume and says he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the

program of recovery. Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much

practical advice. Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision

and tell his story, but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone

else.

    He may be broke and homeless. If he is, you might try to help him about

getting a job, or give him a little financial assistance. But you should not

deprive your family or creditors of money they should have. Perhaps you will

 want to take the man into your home for a few days. But be sure you use

discretion. Be certain he will be welcomed by your family, and that he is not

trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Permit that and

you only harm him. You will be making it possible for him to be insincere. You

may be aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery.

    Never avoid these responsibilities, but be sure you are doing the right

thing if you assume them. Helping others is the foundation stone of your

recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act the Good

Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights' sleep,

 great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may

mean sharing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives,

innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums.

Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. Your wife may

sometimes say she is neglected. A drunk may smash the furniture in your home, or

burn a mattress. You may have to fight with him if he is violent. Sometimes you

will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his direction. Another

time you may have to send for the police or an ambulance. Occasionally you will

have to meet such conditions.

    We seldom allow an alcoholic to live in our homes for long at a time. It is

not good for him, and it sometimes creates serious complications in a family.

    Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no reason why you should

neglect his family. You should continue to be friendly to them. The family

should be offered your way of life. Should they accept and practice spiritual

principles, there is a much better change that the head of the family will

 recover. And even though he continues to drink, the family will find life more

bearable.

    For the type of alcoholic who is able and willing to get well, little

charity, in the ordinary sense of the word, is need or wanted. The men who cry

for money and shelter before conquering alcohol, are on the wrong track. Yet we

do go to great extremes to provide each other with these very things, when such

action is warranted. This may seem inconsistent, but we think it is not.

    It is not the matter of giving that is in question, but when and how to

give. That often makes the difference between failure and success. The minute we

put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our

assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot

master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have

taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we

simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people

ahead of dependence on God.

    Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well

regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean

house.

    Now, the domestic problem: There may be divorce, separation, or just

strained relations. When your prospect has made such reparation as he can to his

family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he is

living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at home. That is,

if he is lucky enough to have a home. Though his family be at fault in many

respects, he should not be concerned about that. He should concentrate on his

own spiritual demonstration. Argument and fault-finding are to be avoided like

the plague. In many homes this is a difficult thing to do, but it must be done

if any results are to be expected. If persisted in for a few months, the effect

on a man's family is sure to be great. The most incompatible people discover

they have a basis upon which they can meet. Little by little the family may see

their own defects and admit them. These can then be discussed in an atmosphere

of helpfulness and friendliness.

    After they have seen tangible results, the family will perhaps want to go

along. These things will come to pass naturally and in good time provided,

however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober,

considerate, and helpful, regardless of what anyone says or does. Of course, we

 all fall much below this standard many times. But we must try to repair the

damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree.

    If there be divorce or separation, there should be no undue haste for the

couple to get together. The man should be sure of his recovery. The wife should

fully understand his new way of life. If their old relationship is to be resumed

it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work. This means a new

attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the best interests of all

concerned that a couple remain apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let

the alcoholic continue his program day by day. When the time for living together

 has come, it will be apparent to both parties.

    Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. This

just isn't so. In some cases the wife will never come back for one reason or

another. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It

 is dependent upon his relationship with God. We have seen men get well whose

families have not returned at all. We have seen others slip when the family came

back too soon.

    Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual

progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we

realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands

 were better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a

Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter

what your present circumstances!

    When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to

participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you

do. But urge upon a man's family that he has been a very sick person and should

 be treated accordingly. You should warn against arousing resentment or

jealousy. You should point out that his defects of character are not going to

disappear over night. Show them that he has entered upon a period of growth. Ask

them to remember, when they are impatient, the blessed fact of his sobriety.

    If you have been successful in solving your own domestic problems, tell the

newcomer's family how that was accomplished. In this way you can set them on the

right track without becoming critical of them. The story of how you and your

 wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of criticism.

    Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics

are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served;

we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid

moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our

friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be

reminded about alcohol at all.

    We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still

has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status.

His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and

even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!

Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would

escape the alcohol problem.

    In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield

the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to

shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger

 explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the

impossible have always failed.

    So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a

legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances,

receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has

had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it

isn't.

    You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask

yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason

for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure

 from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions

satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems

best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that

your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out

of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you

had better work with another alcoholic instead!

    Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about

the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of

those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business

enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all

means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on

your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol

disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink.

While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now

you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw

 again just because your friends drink liquor.

    Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness

to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should

not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on

the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.

    Many of us keep liquor in our homes. We often need it to carry green

recruits through a severe hangover. Some of us still serve it to our friends

provided they are not alcoholic. But some of us think we should not serve liquor

to anyone. We never argue this question. We feel that each family, in the light

of their own circumstances, ought to decide for themselves.

    We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an

institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone.

Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved

when he finds we are not witchburners. A spirit of intolerance might repel

alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such

stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for

not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who

hates it.

    Some day we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to a better

realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem, but we shall be of little

use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. Drinkers will not stand

for it.

    After all, our problems were of our own making. Bottles were only a symbol.

Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to!

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