Chapter 22: The Perception of My Blindness

Doctor Visits and Public Assumptions

Recently, we went to a doctor’s visit for me to have a follow-up. The doctor is a specialist in urology. The nurse who took us back toward the room stopped us in front of the bathroom. She looked at Diane, as she was holding a paper cup toward her, and asked, “Can he give us a urine sample?”

Diane was irritated, yet again, as she faces this scenario often when we are together in public. She responded, “Ask him, he can hear you.” She then took my hand and asked, “Can you give us a urine sample, or do you need help?” Well, I decided to “give it a try” on my own, and it turned out to be successful, as I write this with a big smile.

At the time, my priority was my doctor’s appointment, as I had important questions for him, and everything turned out to be just fine. As we left, Diane expressed to me again how much it bothers her to get the questions that I should have received. Now that the doctor’s visit was over, I suggested to Diane that next time they ask you for my urine sample, you can respond with, “Of course he can’t, because he is blind. You will have to help him!”

Diane and I had a good laugh over this, but she has been through it too many times to be comfortable with this same type of question.

I was working on a plumbing project in our home, but I had the wrong size elbow fitting. I asked Diane to take me to the hardware store so I could get the right one, and she agreed to take me.

We walked into the hardware store, and she found someone to help us. Diane said, “OK, Dan, he is right in front of you.” As I held out the fitting, I said, “Do you have this fitting in three-eighths?” He said, “Come with me.” I took Diane’s arm, and we followed him.

When we stopped behind him, he picked out a fitting. He handed it to Diane. He then said to her, “Here is what you need.” She said to him, “What are you handing it to me for? I don’t know anything about it!”

I find this so typical at this time in my life and have almost come to expect it. However, it still bothers Diane. We do not need to do this too much anymore, as it is so much easier to order things online and have them delivered the next day, and that is great for us visually impaired people.

Sighted people often confront Diane about my inability because of their fears of my blindness. In addition, people seem to think that I cannot hear because I am blind.

My Uncle Bill approached me for the first time two years after my accident. He bent over to my side, then raised his voice toward my ear and said, “Dan, can you hear me?” I gave the standard answer, “Yes, Uncle Bill, I am blind, not deaf.”

My physical blindness started before my ex-wife and I were married. She often had questions posed to her such as, “Who shaves him?” “Does he want salt and pepper on his food?” “Where are you going to sit him?” Add any scenario: “Can he do this or that?” It got old for her also.

Then there were the statements made to her when she would inform someone that she had a blind husband. She would get statements such as, “I am so sorry, I can’t even imagine that,” or “You must be a saint, being married to a blind man.”

Therefore, I had become aware that I am powerless over other people’s fear of my blindness. I had no control over “their perception.” This awareness really helped develop my “Striving for Independence” attitude.

As a blind man, I decided that I did not want to be in the bondage of a victim role and that I wanted to do as much as I could to be as independent as possible. I do miss my vision so much, but I have come to a point of acceptance with it, and yes, it is true that if you lose one sense, the other senses get better.

Fun with My Blindness

Arnie and Joy know me well. Therefore, because of this, they are not afraid of my blindness. On the way to a meeting with them one Sunday, Arnie was driving, and I was in the back seat with my wife, behind Joy in the front seat.

Joy is a special person, and like the meaning in her name, she is just a joy to be in the presence of. Sometimes, being good friends, we playfully pick on each other.

During the ride, Joy and I were conversing when the conversation got around to her asking me, “Dan, do you find that your other senses get better when you go blind?”

I replied, “What?”

She repeated, “Do you find that your other senses get better when you go blind?”

I replied, “I’m sorry.”

A little louder and more distinctly, she said, “Do you find that when you go blind, your other senses get better?”

Again, I said, “What!”

In a very loud voice, she started saying it again, but while she started her sentence, she saw Arnie and Diane laughing out loud. She suddenly realized what I was doing and looked at me and said, “Dan, I’ll get you for this!”

Well, when we got to the meeting, going into the building, along with the front door next to it was a revolving door. Joy said, “Come with me, Dan.” I found myself taking a revolving-door ride with Joy driving the door until I got dizzy!

Of course, she did this safely, and we had many laughs over it.

We went to the meeting, and after it was over, I decided that I was not done yet. They drove us back to their place to get our car that we had left there.

We went to say our goodbyes, and then I asked Joy if I could use their bathroom. She said, “Certainly.”

We went into their incredibly beautiful home, and my wife and Joy waited in the hallway for me. I came out of the bathroom expressing to her what a beautiful home they have.

Then I said, “Wow, your bathroom is really nice, but it is the first time that I have ever seen a urinal with a hot and cold flusher.”

Diane described her reaction to me, but I wish I could have seen her face.

Our First Trip to the Beach

In an earlier chapter, “The Move of My Dreams,” I described how we first came to Florida. On our first trip, we came down with my sister Debbie and her husband Jeff. After we settled into Ross’s place, we decided to go to the beach together.

The beach was a major tourist attraction and had many hotels up and down the beach. We got out of the car in our bathing suits. Then Jeff and I proceeded to get the beach equipment out of the trunk.

Then this nicely dressed man approached us and asked, “Hello, how would you people like some nice gifts, for just visiting?”

I am sure that he was trained to spot newcomers, as obviously we must have looked like “first timers” at the beach. I was skeptical, but Jeff’s ears perked up and he said, “What gifts?”

He said, “Just come up to the hotel for a few minutes and we will give you some gifts for just listening to a presentation.”

Jeff said, “It won’t take long, will it?”

The man said, “No, not at all.”

Jeff turned to us and said, “Let’s go, I want to get these free gifts.”

We all reluctantly agreed to go, as long as it was not going to take too long.

When we arrived, we sat at a table in this beautiful room with drinks and pastries. It was cold in there. We all complained to Jeff about being too cold, as we were all in our bathing suits.

The salesman of the presentation came over and introduced himself to us. When he tried to shake my hand, he realized that I was blind, so he started his sales pitch with Jeff.

Throughout the presentation, Jeff tried hard to get him to get to the point, as it seemed so long for that to happen.

We all wanted to get out of there, so Jeff finally said to him, “What is the catch?”

The salesman seemed to go on endlessly, then finally informed Jeff how he should invest in a timeshare.

Jeff then said, “No thank you, where are my gifts?”

The salesman then went into many other tactics to try to get Jeff to buy this timeshare. Jeff kept saying, “No, where are my gifts?”

The salesman finally gave up and said, “You now need to go into the next room to get your gifts.”

Finally, as we were all freezing, we all got up to go into another room. This room was just as cold.

As we were sitting down at a different table, a different salesman sat down with us. He asked Jeff directly, “What could the previous salesman have said to make you buy one of these timeshares?”

Jeff said, “Nothing, where are my gifts?”

This salesman tried everything, with all of the sales pitches he had, and we were all disgusted as it was going past the two-hour point.

Jeff insisted, “I told you no, now where are my gifts?”

One more time, we needed to go into another room to meet with another person to get our gifts.

This guy said to Jeff, “Are you sure about this decision, Jeff? We could set you up really nice.”

After another fifteen-minute discussion, Jeff said, “No, I just want to get out of here, so where are my gifts?”

The guy went over to a desk, then picked up some paperwork and brought it back to Jeff. He told Jeff that he needed to sign some paperwork to get the gifts.

So then Jeff signed accordingly.

Jeff took the gifts, as we all stood up to go.

The salesman then gave his attention toward me and said, “What did you think of the presentation, Mr. Malone?”

I said to him, “I wanted to buy one, but no one would ask me.”

We were all laughing out loud as we left the room and the hotel.

My wife said, “That statement was worth the whole time spent in there.”

Bus Stories

I worked at a blind workshop for 23 years. I also worked a long way from home, over 22 miles away.

Each day after work, I had to catch a bus in front of where I worked, then catch another bus at midtown. The timing was critical because there was only one bus out to my area, 22 miles away.

Normally, there was a 45-minute wait for the main bus out of town, so I would sit at the bench inside with my cane folded up and tucked under my thigh on my right side.

With my new prosthetic eyes, I do not look blind, so when this guy sat down next to me on my left side, he struck up a conversation, saying, “How are you?”

I responded with, “Pretty good, how are you?”

While we were chit-chatting about the weather and stuff, we both heard this cane tapping coming down the hallway on his left side.

He said, “Look at that poor blind man coming toward us. You know, they ought to be locked up or something so that they can’t get hurt, or hurt anybody with their canes.”

Well, it was about time for my bus to be coming, so I stood up, then opened my cane, looked toward him, and said, “It isn’t so bad.”

I wish I could have seen his face! I walked outside and caught my bus.

Story 2

The bus that took me up to midtown was late, and like I said, there was only one bus out of town that I needed to catch, or else I do not know what would have happened that day.

At the last minute, the bus finally came, and I was thinking, “Hurry, hurry!”

The bus finally let me out at midtown, and with my cane I was racing around the corner as fast as I could to catch the bus when suddenly a guy held my arm and said, “Brother, JESUS can heal you.”

I said, “Thank you, I know He can, but right now I’m late for a bus.”

Again, he held me and said a little louder, “Brother, JESUS can heal you!”

Then a third time he repeated himself.

I then told him, “Believe me, brother, I think that He already has.”

By the way, I did catch the bus that day.

Sunglasses

I took the bus back and forth to Albany when attending the school for the blind. On the long bus ride, five and a half hours each way, the time really dragged.

I would sit way over by the window so that other people could sit next to me for fellowship.

Leaving Albany, this time no one sat next to me, and I could tell that the bus was crowded.

This, I thought, is going to be a very long bus ride.

Pulling out of the bus station, I reached in my shirt pocket to get a tissue when suddenly I found a sunglass lens, and I realized that I had my sunglasses on with only one lens in them.

No wonder no one sat with me!